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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Coyote (Famishus-Famishus)

My daughter really wanted to watch some Looney Tunes tonight, specifically some Road Runner cartoons. So I pulled out The Golden Collection Volume 2 and popped in the second disc which is just about all Road Runner including such classics as "Beep Beep", "Going! Going! Gosh!", "Guided Muscle" among others.

About half-way through, the thought struck me that the poor ol' coyote must be having a hell of a time these days what with even little things like model rocket engine sales being monitored by the DHS.

Here's a partial list of the items used by the coyote in the 7 Road Runner cartoons we watched that would be difficult, if not impossible, to order from ACME today:

1) 20+ Rifles
2) 30+ barrels of TNT
3) Untold Boxes of Nitro Glycerin
4) Dynamite Lasso
5) One (1) Bomb
6) Standard Rocket
7) Box of Dynamite
8) Hand Grenade (x2)
9) Dynamite Arrow (with Bow)
10) Rocket Sled (bonus "Eat at Joe's" fireworks display extra)

What's the world coming to when a coyote has to resort to his wits alone (plus the occasional anvil) to capture his next meal?

*Image: Copyright and Trademark Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Boys in Blue Hijack Rail System

Last night the train I take home from work was delayed ½ hour – the other trains in front of ours much longer.

Though train delays due to mechanical breakdown or accidents have happened before, it's not a common occurrence. On most days, Metra is an extremely reliable way to get to and from downtown Chicago and seldom am I late for work or do I walk into the house much later than 6:15 each evening.

But last night...

"Attention folks..."

Oh, this is never good. We'd been stopped just east of Fox River Grove for a good 2 - 3 minutes and didn't show any immediate signs of moving.

"You're not going to believe this. This is NOT a story...but,"

Immediately I thought: "Cow on track?"

Turns out that I was not far from the mark with that thought.

In a move hearkening back to the 1800's – days when cattle and swine would routinely be found grazing around and on the tracks of the wild west – the tiny village of Cary, IL, under orders of their puffed-up "mayor" and police chief no doubt, decided that, since they so clearly are unable to control their own citizenry, the best way to prevent people from walking around the downed gates and getting squished at railroad crossings is to hijack the Metra Northwest line and all other rail traffic serving the greater Northwest Suburbs of the Chicago area and beyond.

Yes, in what will likely go down as one of the most bone-headed decisions in Cary's history, the cops commandeered all rail traffic going through their town because they are "sick of" (direct quote of our Conductor) people walking around the gates!

Obviously fining the people who break the law by walking around downed gates would make too much sense. After all, the Village of Cary reasons, the man-power needed to control our population as opposed to blocking the federally controlled rail lines would be minimal... so let's, instead, decide to completely misinterpret and abuse the power we have and waste a ton of taxpayer dollars to make what could arguably be called the stupidest decision to ever hit the books in our small town's history.

Yes, congratulations to Mr. Mayor and to the brave "boys in blue" who threw away thousands of dollars in fines they could have potentially levied against the law-breakers, in favor of disrupting Metra's revenue stream and one of the most important means of moving goods across the country – our freight trains.

After the liquor wore off they came to their senses, they allowed train traffic to go through once again albeit much more slowly than normal.

I just hope Metra deliberately moved the trains slowly to keep Cary's roads closed as long as possible at the grade-crossings to cause more headaches for these pinheads.

Someone within Cary should get their chimichangas nailed to the wall for this one.