ESC!Webs Blogitorials

Toon Boom Studio Reviewed

2009-07-29T09:00:00.001-05:00

Review of Toon Boom Studio was posted at macCompanion Magazine.

RDC Licensing and the Mac

2009-07-28T09:00:00.001-05:00

Unlike Windows users, Microsoft's Remote Desktop Connection Client for the Mac requires the purchase of a license (a TS CAL) for the Mac user to connect to a Windows Server. Without one, a temporary license (90 days) will be assigned.

Unfortunately, whether you have a proper TS CAL or not, the license information on the Mac needs to be reset from time to time. And in the first version of Microsoft's client for OS X, this could be done easily by removing the contents of the folder:

/Users/Shared/Microsoft/RDC Crucial Server Information/

This process is detailed in Microsoft's Knowledge Base article, 187614 (link)

When the old licensing information is removed, the Remote Desktop Connection client software will request a new one. Simple as that.

BUT, with the 2.0 release of the RDC Client, something broke and removing the licenses from a Mac client no longer worked. So that meant continuing to use the, older, buggier 1.0 release OR ... well, there is no "or" because the client would just stop working with the error message, "You were disconnected from the Windows-based computer because of problems during the licensing protocol."

So what to do?

Well, it turns out that - for me anyway - all I needed to do was remove the client license as before, but then first run the 1.0 client to connect to the server. After the 1.0 client established the connection and set up the new license, the 2.0 client would continue working again. If you try to run the 2.0 client first, the connection will fail and you'll need to reset the license once again.

The downfall to this solution is that I need to keep the older client installed just for the odd occasion that I need to reset the license. The good news is that this process fixes, the less buggy 2.0 client too!

Dear Six Apart...

2008-12-05T08:30:00.000-06:00

When Six Apart announced the acquisition of the people and technology of Pownce five days ago, the biggest surprise to me was the seeming lack of interest in the thing that most makes Pownce the vibrant and living entity that it is: it's community of users.

We may be a small community compared to other social networks, but, because we're given more than 140 letters to speak our mind, we're a passionate one. We're active, intelligent, technologically minded, and, yes, outspoken users when it comes to the things we care about the most.

And its these qualities that should make us a valuable community.

Large corporations pay millions of dollars to build targeted groups of users like we are and, yet, though we've been handed over on a silver platter, it appears as if there's no interest in what we have to bring to the table. To say that this perplexes us as a whole would be an understatement.

I can't help but draw comparisons to another ardent group of users I happen to belong to, and that's the Mac-using community.

A little over 10 years ago, Apple looked as if it was on the brink of collapse. Word spread quickly that companies like IBM or Sun might purchase them, and their stock was trading at abysmally low levels. Steve Jobs returned to help turn things around, but even he had to admit privately that the brand he worked so hard to build in his youth had a slim chance of recovery.

But throughout it all, Apple had something other companies in similar situations didn't: and that's a small, but vocal, user base that stood by the company during these hard times and helped to spur on the success it's achieved in recent years. As a result, to this day Apple may still only command a comparatively small portion of the home and business computer market in the eyes of some, but I think anyone would be hard-pressed to say that Apple and the Mac are not successful. And much, if not all, of that success is achieved because Apple understands and embraces its community of devoted users.

I would find it hard to believe that there aren't folks at Six Apart using a Mac. If you are, take a moment to ask yourself "why?" when other brands and platforms exist that can do just about everything you can do on that Mac.

When you discover the answer, you'll understand how we feel about Pownce.

More than "just" a social network, Pownce has spurred on the spirit of innovation in Leah S's Bownce, fandom in Carolyn S's and Kevin B's PownceCast podcast, and has even stoked the flames of love in the lives of folks like Ben B.

Pownce is more to us than a social network, it's our community.

While we're grateful to have been given the opportunity to retrieve our past messages, we'd also like to be given another chance to show we can be a valuable asset to Six Apart. We'd like to share our ideas for integration with and up-selling of Six Apart's other services to the Pownce community. We'd like to be given the chance to grow Pownce into something Six Apart can be proud of. In other words, we'd like to share the same passion and enthusiasm for Pownce's new parent company as we have for Pownce itself.

Give us 12 months, not 12 days ... and when the world sees that Pownce and its users were handed a reprieve by Six Apart, they may just decide to give Six Apart's Pownce another look.

You can't buy that kind of goodwill these days.

Sincerely,

Michael Potter
http://pownce.com/escwebs/

The Sad Thing Is...

2007-07-08T11:00:00.000-05:00

... that the police are still searching for him. How many dudes covered in tree branches are wandering around the streets of Manchester?

http://wbztv.com/watercooler/local_story_188151230.html

Spying On Myself From Above

2007-06-05T23:00:00.000-05:00

Well, this may seem tame in light of the recent flurry of activity surrounding Google's new Street View option in Google Maps, but I have to admit a slight thrill seeing my car immortalized in this shot from space as it sits waiting dutifully for me at the train station.

What?? You think I'm actually going to tell you which one it is? Those who know can pick it out pretty easily...

Dear Santa...

2006-12-20T21:00:00.000-06:00

As an adult, when friends and family ask what you'd like for Christmas, I'm sure you give them a list of items along the lines of a DVD, book or CD. Something not too extravagant or expensive, but something you'd like to have nonetheless.

As I helped my 7 year old daughter with her Christmas list, however, I began thinking about how my "wish list" would take shape now ... as a grown-up with different fantasies of what we'd like the big guy in red to place under our tree.

So I sat down to write it out and here is the result, in no particular order:

Canon Digital Rebel XTi - Yes, I know, I have the original Digital Rebel, but this one is faster, lighter and a higher pixel count. Never mind that I had my first FILM SLR for over 20 years and I've only had the DR for three... I want this new one. In black please.

Mac Pro - Time to shove my last Windows desktop computer out the door. Though my primary computer is a MacBook Pro, I need a system to handle the constant influx of digital photos, video and audio files filling up my hard drive. In addition, I'd slap a couple 500GB drives in the empty bays to use for backup storage of my media as well as the occasional Virtual Machine for Linux, Windows and other testing purposes. Serving as my media center, scanning and printing station, the Mac Pro would be the ultimate desktop machine. And I would no longer have to feel bad about firing up my beige Windows computer next to my sleek and sexy MacBook Pro.

iPod Video (80 GB) - I've already blogged about this. Though now I'm leaning more heavily towards waiting for the long rumored -- but as yet unannounced -- widescreen model.

Sizzlers - I played with Sizzlers endlessly as a kid and I loved them. This year Mattel re-released them IN THE SAME PACKAGING as they had back in the 70s. The Juice Machine ("gas pump") even looks the same -- I should know ... I have one in my basement. And checking them out in Target last week, I noticed the illustrations on the box had not even changed. This is an awesome marketing scheme to hook and reel in people like me. And let me tell you ... it works.

2007 Mustang GT in "Grabber Orange" - It's a hot, fast, head snapping car with strong ties back to the original Pony cars of the late 60s and early 70s. Need I say more?

1967 Mustang - as seen at the Volo Auto Museum last weekend - Well, if I can't have the '07....

That's it. Not a big list by any means. Just a little something I'm sure the Elves can whip up during a long weekend ... although now, with Christmas only a few short days away, it may be more difficult for them, seeing as they are busy loading up the sleigh for all the good boys and girls throughout the world.

But as I used to think many years ago while I wrote out my list of childhood Christmas dreams, it never hurts to ask.

Right Santa?

Time to Play Catch Up OR Where the Heck Have I Been?

2006-12-20T09:00:00.000-06:00

Sorry for abandoning this blog for a few ~~weeks~~ months. In all honesty, you should expect it to happen again. I'm just that way. Though my Dad has always been big on chronicling the important events in life, I've just never been one to do so myself.

I love to take photos, though I'm not big on video. I podcast, but don't vlog. I'm earned my BA in English, but actually writing? ... not so much.

So when I started this blog, I certainly didn't have big expectations for logging in every day and writing about the ennui and dreck of day to day life. For me, it's a matter of something just clicking that light bulb on in my head and then willing myself to commit the words to screen.

In the mean time, however, I've been keeping busy nonetheless.

Since my last blog entry, I've published another issue of ESC! Magazine, produced 3 new episodes of "ESC! Magazine's Coffee House to Go", started yet another podcast on November 13th entitled, "For Mac Eyes Only" which is a new weekly show for Mac users everywhere ... And I've conducted one more interview for "Across the Mic" (which will debut soon) and lined up my next interview for January by which time at least one more "Coffee House to Go" and three more "For Mac Eyes Only" will have aired.

*whew!*

So I've been busy, and blogging just hasn't entered into my sub-consciousness and for that, I apologize.

But if you've been wanting for content from me, there certainly is no shortage of it, so when the next dry spell hits -- and it will -- please check out some of my other projects and let me know what you think!

What's Missing From iTV

2006-09-13T09:00:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one who finds Apple's upcoming "iTV" box a bit underwhelming?

I think it's a great piece of technology for streaming content from your Mac or PC to your TV, but ... that's it then, isn't it?

For $299, however, I have to ask: Where's the recording capability? I want to time-shift the programming content I'm already paying for through my DirectTV subscription and, surprisingly, there are no inputs for pumping your satellite box into the "iTV." So, though it's tentatively called "iTV," I see no evidence of there being any "TV" involved other than the TV content you purchase through the iTunes Store. It's more of an AirPort Express for video.

Ideally, and perhaps this is the end goal we have not yet been made privy to, Apple would meld the "iTV" with a Mac mini and slam a tuner in as well, so that not only do we have the Mac with a big honkin' hard drive recording shows for us (as scheduled by our iCal calendar) and automatically placing them into our iTunes library, but then we'd have the outputs to drive it to our television as well.

Yes, of course this can be done we third party solutions, but we shouldn't have to do that, should we? Apple is known for elegant solutions, so why -- when they are sooooo close -- would Apple put on the brakes and stop short like that?

I guess this shows my age. I take issue with spending 99 cents per music track, $1.99 per episode of a TV show or even $9.99 for a movie when I can get that same content at higher quality, with more features, AND be able to rip that content to my computer or iPod if I so choose, getting the best of both worlds for the same or less money.

Well ... that's it then isn't it? Nothing like spending $1.99 per show and then streaming it to your $299 "iTV" box.

After reading comments on various message boards about the "iTV," I can see that it is a generational thing. People aged 28 - 30 and younger have no issues at all with downloadable content and don't seem to realize what they're giving up in exchange. Then again, I still note the lack of liner notes and extra album cover art that was lost in the transition from LP to CD.

Now ... where did I put my "walker"...?

"A Genuine College Degree - In just fifteen day"

2006-09-11T09:00:00.000-05:00

This subject line just cracked me up.

Of course I never open spam -- and neither should you -- so I don't know how well the words in the rest of the e-mail are composed, but I can only imagine it reads something like this:

Yes! You too can get a college degree in only 15 day! And soon you'll be able to form sentences as well as we are too! (sic)

*sigh*

Steve Irwin Dead at 44

2006-09-04T01:11:00.000-05:00

I just learned that a mere few hours ago Steve Irwin -- he of Crocodile Hunter fame and proprietor of the Australia Zoo -- was killed in a freak accident while filming a new documentary about stingrays.

It's reported that a ray lashed out with it's tail and pierced Mr. Irwin's left chest, killing him instantly.

For those who understood how much Steve Irwin did for the rehabilitation of animals and their habitat, they know the animal kingdom has lost a great ally today. His life's mission was to speak out for those who couldn't speak for themselves.

Far more important, however, is the tragic loss to his family. Wife Terri Irwin, 8 year old daughter Bindi and 3 year old Bob (Bob Bob). As a father to a 7-year-old, and someone who lost a parent and a young age, I think I understand the sorrow they must feel ... my family's hearts and deepest sympathies go out to his children at this time in their young lives. No one should have to endure the loss of a parent, especially children so young.

Watching Bindi in so many of Mr. Irwin's television specials, I could see that his love for animals (inherited from his own parents) had passed down to his young daughter as well. I hope that as she ages, she'll continue to use her gift in order to preserve his great work and carry on the family tradition for generations to come.

Steve Irwin will be missed.

I Would Like A...*

2006-07-12T09:00:00.000-05:00

I had a small blessing of time the past two nights so, instead of doing things I'm supposed to like edit down the new episode of Coffee House to Go's Across the Mic, I, naturally, used this time to catch up on some of the video podcasts I've subscribed to but don't have an easy way to watch -- except by playing them back through the computer.

With this new MacBook Pro, I've got Front Row to watch the videos in -- and that's great -- but it sure would be nice to have an easy way to watch them on the go -- like during my commute where I listen to all the audio podcasts I subscribe to -- without hauling out the laptop.

So I've decided that -- until I get one (which I'm not likely to do using my own money mind you) -- from now on, when someone asks me what I want, I'm going to reply: "A video iPod."

It won't matter what the question is.

"What would you like for Christmas?"

"A video iPod."

"What would you like for your birthday?"

"A video iPod."

"What would you like for dinner tonight?"

"A video iPod."

Well ... you get the idea.

I figure at some point people will get so sick of me responding, "A video iPod" that eventually I'll get one just to shut me the hell up.

Of course there are other ways I might get one. Did you know that Adam Christiansen of the MacCast was gifted a video iPod by one of his listeners?

Yes, that's right!

If you've been a loyal reader of the free PDF edition of ESC! Magazine or you listen to my free podcast, Coffee House to Go and have always felt like you wanted to contribute something to help out ... well, nobody's saying you have to contribute cash. Heck NO! Think of all the extra time I'll have to devote to both of my projects that you enjoy so much if I were able to watch my video podcasts on the go!

So if you are so inclined to help out, please don't be afraid to ask, "What can I contribute to the cause?"

I might just answer, "A video iPod. Uh ... in black. Please."

* If you feel this reads as a "Oh, poor pitiful me, I don't have a video iPod while millions of kids are starving and homeless around the world ..." Well, you'd be right!

In all seriousness though -- and I hope you understand today's post was made in jest ... err, mostly -- if you are inclined to do something to help our efforts here at ESC!Webs, we'd be just as grateful if you let us know how much you enjoy our projects and, instead of sending cash our way, made a donation of any amount to your favorite charity and drop us a postcard to let us know.

We all know there are folks out there who need our help much more than you ... *sigh* okay, fine! ... or I ... need a video iPod. Even if it's in black.

Is This How They Handle Things in California?

2006-06-16T13:00:00.000-05:00

Since I'm boycotting the local Subway because ... well, because the guy who runs it is a jerk, I popped up Google Maps to search for other local fast food joints.

Imagine my surprise when THIS came up:

I realize that strays and homeless animals can be a problem, but is this really the solution?

After all, I'm hungry, but not THAT hungry!

A Win for Bloggers Journalists

2006-05-28T21:00:00.000-05:00

Finally some sanity in our courts:

"We can think of no workable test or principle that would distinguish 'legitimate' from 'illegitimate' news. Any attempt by courts to draw such a distinction would imperil a fundamental purpose of the First Amendment, which is to identify the best, most important, and most valuable ideas not by any sociological or economic formula, rule of law, or process of government, but through the rough and tumble competition of the memetic marketplace."

http://www.eff.org/news/archives/2006_05.php#004698

Why They're Not Called "Catpads"

2006-04-10T21:00:00.000-05:00

Our cat, Alexi, has always been really interested in the computer -- even as a kitten. Well, if not the computer itself, then the act of interfering with our USE of the computer.

Most of the time he'll perch up on the back of my chair as I work or keep my lap warm in winter, but once in a while he just HAS to get on the desk and wend his way around my mouse and keyboard and, ultimately, block my view of the screen.

Today I'd had enough and said, "Look cat, if you want to work on the computer, let's work on the computer" and I took his paw to my laptop's trackpad and tried to make the mouse cursor move on screen. To my amazement it didn't work.

Without getting too technical, a trackpad works -- not by pressure or heat -- but by "electrical capacitance." Essentially there's a grid of wires that pass a charge through your finger so that when your finger passes over them, it can measure where on the grid your finger is located and transfer that information to the computer. That's the gist anyway.

But Alexi's paw didn't allow for this to happen!

Now, because the trackpad relies on this current to be able to pass through your finger, it won't work if you have gloves on or try to use a pen cap on it. Since Alexi has long hair on his paws, I carefully pushed it aside and made sure his paw pads (toes) touched the pad directly. Still nothing.

By now he was getting quite annoyed with me so I let him down, but my question remains: Why can't a cat use a laptop's trackpad?!?

Of course YOUR question still remains as well: "Just how on earth did I manage to get a cat to even attempt to use a trackpad?"

Well, let's just say I'm glad no one was video taping it.

Now ... where's the Bactine?

Dumb Things Corporations Tell Us #3

2006-04-09T21:00:00.000-05:00

Today I set out to replace a new clothes washer because our previous one gave up the ghost and, as all things are in this throwaway society, it will cost more than a brand new one to get it fixed. Silly me for not paying the "protection" money ... uh, er, buying the extended "warranty."

Anyway, I went to Sears and found a great deal on one of their many Kenmore (see Whirlpool) models. Upon check out, there was a slight glitch in the process in that the register told the clerk to call a number, verify it was me making the purchase and then get an approval code.

Okay. I've worked retail and I know the drill. This is a major purchase so the credit card company is probably just verifying it's me.

And that, indeed, appeared to be the case because the purchase went through at that point without further complication.

Until I went to PetSmart and my card was flat out denied. After paying with another card, I went out to the car and immediately called Chase to find out what the deal was.

It turns out that because I bought gas the same day I purchased the clothes washer, their "security" system was triggered and flagged the card as potentially stolen. So they froze it.

Here's where it gets dumb.

The "Chase representative" on the other end of the conversation with a customer who was obviously upset told me the following:

1) The fact that I bought gas before buying the washer is what triggered the alert.

Right. I can verify that it's entirely possible to use the card to drive all the way to Minneasota, blow a gob of cash at the Mall of America and then drive home without ONE security alerty being triggered. (Because we all know the first place a thief would NEVER go is the Mall of America!) BUT if I buy gas for MY car at the same gas station I ALWAYS go to and then buy a washing machine and have it delivered to MY home ... well, that's the FIRST thing a card thief would do. Of COURSE!

2) The purchase at Sears did not match my normal purchasing patterns.

Well DUH! It's a washing machine! WHO buys washers as part of their normal pattern?

3) I didn't TELL them I was going to make a purchase of this size.

I'm sorry, but where in my customer agreement does it say that I need to ask permission before using my credit card? Okay, I'll put it in writing here for them. Please Chase Bank? May I pleeeeeeease buy a new washing machine to replace my old one? I PROMISE I'll pay you back ... I'll use my allowance! Really!

So there you have it. I should point out that it's not just Chase who does this. I had the exact same "gas station" trigger pulled on my CitiBank card a number of years back.

Hmm. I wonder if CitiBank noticed I stopped using their card then? Probabaly not.

Well you know my ol' saying. Screw me once ... well, just screw me once and I never use your service again.

Happy Birthday Apple!

2006-04-01T21:00:00.000-06:00

Today, April 1st, marks Apple Computer's 30th birthday.

It seems strange, doesn't it, to celebrate a computer manufacturer's BIRTHDAY. Most, I expect, would note an anniversary of incorporation or some such dealy, but not with Apple. No, it's a birthday.

I have to admit I'm not as big a zealot as many of Apple's "enthusiasts," but Apple has played quite a role in my love of computers and, ultimately, my career choices. Let me explain:

If you were to ask me outright, I'd say that I'm a "Sinclair" guy. The first personal computer I ever owned was a Sinclair ZX80 purchased from my friend Ray F. The transaction took place in the school cafeteria in high school. I believe I paid around $70 for it. Shortly after that, I moved to the American version of the Sinclair ZX81, the Timex/Sinclair 1000, which I purchased from Osco using money earned from bottle returns. It was a $100 computer and I think I earned 80 cents per 8 pack of bottles. In 1983, I moved to the TS 2068 color computer and finally to the Sinclair QL. Soon the "IBM PC" revolution took place and somewhere around the middle of college, with the slow demise of Sinclair, I finally switched to a PC. More in a moment.

In any event, long before the ZX80, my first personal computer experience came in 7th grade when a couple of brand spanking new (and extremely expensive) Apple II+ computers were installed in the "library." I remember spending a lot of time playing "Lemonade Stand" as well as tinkering around with various graphical applications such as Logo. I would spend as much time on the computers as possible with my friend Scott R. and we'd even continue at his folks house where his Dad had an Apple II as well (being Principal had its perks I suppose).

In high school, I got my first real (paying) job. It was as a lab supervisor in the North building of my high school. Of course the lab was filled with Apple IIe computers and I spent a good part of my time working out Print Shop problems and printer issues. This also afforded me my first opportunity to pop open an Apple and get to the "guts" inside.

At the same time, the main library at the high school's campus got in, not a Macintosh, but a Lisa. Wow! That was an awesome computer and I was lucky enough to get to play around with it for a few minutes, but I recall that it was "for the teachers" so I never really got to fully experience this precursor to the Mac as it was too expensive to let the kids use it.

In college, I brought my trusty T/S 2068 with me, but one of the reasons I had so much trouble with my accounting and calculus classes was because I spent so much time helping Tina M. with her "computer graphics" course. This involved not only work on her Apple IIgs, but the occasional trip to the computer lab to get some hands on work with an early Apple Macintosh (512? Plus? -- I don't remember.)

So, really, for the first 10+ years of my love affair with computers, I was a Sinclair and Apple guy! I guess I never really thought about how much of a role Apple played in those years until I sat down to type this entry. Unfortunately, the Mac (and IIe) was always too expensive for me to own, so I traveled the route of DOS / GEM / Windows which allowed me to build my own computers and thereby save a bunch of money for things like ... food. And shelter.

I always thought Windows was somewhat of a pain in the ass, but in August of 95 when Windows 95 hit the streets, I became more of a proponent of Microsoft products for the home. Mostly, I think, because they were "more affordable." Windows 98 was the best OS Microsoft made for home users and soon we all looked forward to Windows 2000 after the much more difficult to use but more powerful, Windows NT (Microsoft's fork of OS/2) attempted to make inroads in our homes and businesses.

Over in the Mac camp, however, OS 8 and OS 9 were pretty stuck in the 80's/early 90's where I last used them. There was little support for running multiple applications at the same time and the interface was suffering from age.

Soon "we" all moved on to Windows XP, but it turns out Apple had a few aces up its sleeve as well. And their trump card was OS X. A 'written from the ground up' replacement for the beleaguered OS 9.

When both Windows XP and OS X came out in 2001, we IT guys tried to show that XP was superior to Apple's product, but over the years, as Microsoft kept sticking its foot up its own ass over and over and over again while Apple managed to release multiple revisions of its OS with greater improvements in usability and security, I quickly realized that I would soon need to switch back to my original path and abandon my foolish trip down the "shortcut" path that was Windows.

So here I am, on Apple's 30th anniversary, waiting for a 17" MacBook Pro to be released so I can replace this Windows laptop I've been using the last few years with something much more stable, secure and fun to use than anything Microsoft could dish up. After 11 years of Windows 9X and NT/XP, I'm tired of dealing with the constant security problems and I honestly don't think "Vista" is going to be any better.

So here's to you Apple on your 30th birthday! Thanks for the memories past ... and memories yet to come.

Refurb-a-licious!

2006-03-22T09:00:00.000-06:00

So after harping on some of the problems I'm having integrating a couple of new PowerMacs into our business environment (here and here), I thought I'd take a second to mention something that Apple does better than any other computer manufacturer out there.

In truth, I hesitate to mention this at all because I don't want them to sell out too quickly, but Apple's little secret in the Apple Store Online is the Apple Certified Refurbished products link.

I've been using this quite a lot and I am very impressed with the quality of the packaged product and Apple's attention to detail when boxing up the computers.

Some of the things I've noticed when buying a refurbished Mac:

1) If Apple's standard equipment or software packages change, you'll often get a machine that meets the new spec even if it says otherwise on their site. Of course this means you may very well NOT get the new spec, but a couple examples of where this worked in my favor include: the purchase of an iMac G5 that was supposed to come with 256MB of RAM but came with 512MB instead -- the new Apple standard; a PowerMac that was supposed to ship with iLife '05 came with iLife '06; and another Mac that was supposed to ship with OS X Panther came with OS X Tiger in the box. Thanks Apple!

2) Despite warnings the refurbished Mac may arrive with scratches or other blemishes (they ARE returned/used after all), I have yet to see one come that way. The iMac, PowerMac and a monitor I ordered all arrived in perfect condition. In fact, the PowerMac arrived wrapped up much nicer than the "new" one I purchased. Go figure.

3) By purchasing a refurbished Mac, you know that someone has had their "hands on it" making sure it's up to spec before boxing it back up to be sold. It's not like Best Buy where they slap an "Open Box" sticker on a box that is, in many cases, still open. No, these are fully checked out, certified and then put up for sale.

4) Unlike other manufacturers who sell refurb but offer virtually no warranty, Apple offers their full standard warranty on each machine they sell. That in itself makes it a no brainer in my book.

5) The discounts are substantial! They don't want this stuff sitting around too long, so to move these products out the door, you'll see some deep cuts off the sticker price. As a great example, as I write this there is a 15" MacBook Pro listed on the site for $300 off list ... plus free shipping! Sweet.

So what's the catch?

There are a couple of "gotchas" to be on the look out for:

1) The machine may not be free of surface defects. If that matters at all to you, then don't take a chance.

2) The quantities are very limited. If you really are in the market for a new computer and you see something you like on their sale page, you better not drag your heels for too long.

3) The savings come off the original list price of the computer in question. In other words, if Apple releases a new model with a lower price, the refurb model with the old feature set and higher price might not be all that great a deal in comparison. I've noticed that primarily with the iPod line.

Power Mac Woes, part II

2006-03-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

If you'll recall my last post, we're experiencing some issues when trying to replace Windows XP computers with Apple Power Mac G5 computers in our Creative Services department here at work.

So far I've related the issues of:

Slow access to network file folders containing thousands of files.
InDesign's import filter problems
Poor font management
Font tearing in the Mozilla products

Each of those is high on my list of "Stoppers". That is, problems which would prevent the roll out of these very expensive machines.

Before I move on to the other, lesser, problems encountered, let me point out that I understand many of these issues I have related or will relate are not Apple's problem. Many of these are with 3rd party software running on the Mac. However, these same programs are available on BOTH the Windows and Mac platforms and I have not had these same bugs creep up on Windows computers within these programs.

Also, I'd like to point out that I'm a huge fan of the Apple platform and I would recommend one of their Macintosh computers to anyone looking for an easy to use and safe platform for their home or office. Ultimately, I decided to blog about this not to bitch about Apple, but rather because I'm hoping someone out there will have answers to these questions ... Especially the slow network browsing issue which really is holding everything up.

So with that all said, let's continue shall we?

5) When using Terminal Services utilizing Microsoft's client, the number pad on the Mac's keyboard does not work. I've found no workaround for this.

6) Adobe's Acrobat 7 Professional refuses to acknowledge that Mozilla Thunderbird is the default mail client. Or, rather, it acknowledges Thunderbird, it just doesn't want to play nice with it. If I try to send (e-mail) a PDF file from within Acrobat Professional, I get the following error message: "The SendMail doesn't know how to talk to your preferred mail client. Please select a different mail application to use."

Okay, Sendmail is a mail transfer agent in the UNIX/Linux world. The Mac is using BSD Unix as its base. Is this the same "Sendmail" being referenced in Adobe's grammatically suspect error message? If so, is this problem with OS X? Or perhaps Adobe Acrobat calling its own implementation? Or is it the fault of Mozilla Thunderbird?

To my knowledge, Thunderbird is recognized as the default mail client by all other apps, so the finger seems to point to Acrobat or Thunderbird. I've read somewhere online that the issue is that Thunderbird is not "Apple Scriptable." However, Acrobat gives you no way to choose a default client if you wanted to so... any thoughts?

7) Mozilla Thunderbird on the Mac doesn't recognize e-mail templates properly ... or something. When everyone was using Windows, we could pass e-mail templates around the office like candy and they would work fine at each workstation. Now on the Mac, I can load the templates into the user's "Templates" folder and we can preview it in the handy-dandy Preview Window, but if we open the template to create a new e-mail, all of the images are blank. The only workaround we found is to select "Display Attachments Inline", but this is kind of a pain because then ALL attachments in ALL messages are displayed inline.

This setting is not needed when using Thunderbird on Windows.

8) "Phantom" folders in Thunderbird at the account rep's station. I believe this has something to do with my bringing her Thunderbird Local Mail from a Windows computer to her iMac. However, mail files are just text and, from what I can tell, there's no issue with what we brought over.

For some reason her Thunderbird likes to take one of her existing folders -- usually the inbox, duplicate it and move that duplicate elsewhere within her local folders.

Strange huh? And since it's a duplicate of her original folder, she can remove it with no consequence.

I keep hoping with each release of Thunderbird that the problem will be fixed, but so far, no dice.

Update 04.04.06: When the latest and greatest pre-release build of Thunderbird 1.5.0.2 came out on April 2nd, we loaded that up at her workstation to see if the problem got any better. No dice. *ACK! Thbbbt!*

So there ya have it! My top 8 woes encountered when upgrading our creative department from Windows XP computers to Apple Macs.

Some will no doubt point out that by not utilizing the software bundled with the Mac -- that is, Apple's Mail client and the Safari browser as well as its built in PDF creator and Preview -- I'm asking for it. That I'm inviting these problems into my workplace and I've no business complaining about it.

To that I simply say, the Mac is a superior operating platform to Windows, but their bundled applications, while great for a home user, don't have the power and flexibility that other programs have. Yes, I've evaluated Apple's Mail client and I've deemed it inferior to Thunderbird for our purposes.

In addition, by using different applications on OS X and Windows I make my job that much harder because now I'm supporting not only two platforms, but two mail clients, browsers, PDF creators ... whatever.

But that's what makes the Mac such a great platform ... right? That I can choose to use OS X over Windows and, in doing so, give my organization better flexibility and security while still using the programs that I want to use. If I'm going to be locked in to a platform and its applications, then I might as well sigh, throw up my hands and use Windows ... just like everyone else.

Power Mac Woes, part I

2006-03-10T09:00:00.000-06:00

Working for a creative advertising agency, I felt the time was ripe to finally move the creative department into the 21st Century and upgrade everyone from crappy Windows technology to the much more modern and secure Apple OS X.

We already use Adobe's Creative Suite and Macromedia's (nee Adobe's) Studio 8, so software was not an issue. Surprisingly, what became issues were -- as is typical in the computer world -- completely unexpected! Read on....

To prepare for any surprises, I decided to upgrade a willing and able account representative to an iMac first. She is always ready to jump on the latest thing and understands that there may be bugs or compatibility issues which may make her day-to-day work more difficult.

As a corporation, we standardize on Mozilla Firefox for the browser and Mozilla Thunderbird for the e-mail client. Additionally we use Microsoft Office 97 on the PC side and run a proprietary application built on an Access engine which connects to a Microsoft SQL Server.

Office was easy. I simply purchased Microsoft Office 2004 for the Mac. Likewise, there is a version of Mozilla Firefox and Thunderbird for the Mac. The only other issue then was this proprietary Windows application, and I worked around that by setting up the account rep to use a Terminal Services client with a connection to our Terminal Server -- a method our remote offices use.

To my great pleasure, there were no major "stoppers" in this trial run that would make me feel as if I couldn't move forward in procuring Power Mac G5s for the Creative Dept. In all of our testing, the only issue that consistently came up is the appearance of "mystery" folders in her Thunderbird client. That is, phantom duplicate folders of mail folders she already had. Deleting these folders had no affect on the originals, nor did they appear to actually take up room in her profile. They just ... appear. And sporadically at that. More later.

So with the company credit card in hand, I ordered up the first of what would eventually be four new Power Macs.

Once it arrived, I took more than ample time to load and test the system before rolling it out. Once deployed, however, the problems began. Here is a quick run down of issues encountered so far:

1) The most critical issue I've encountered is one that almost scuttled the entire project. Apparently the Mac chokes on network directories that have lots of files in them. And by lots I mean in the range of 9,000 - 25,000 files.

It can take up to a minute for the file listing to begin to appear and then another 2 - 3 minutes until it's "browsable." On the surface, that may not seem bad, but when you multiply the number of times an employee has to access those folders and files per day by 2 - 3 minutes, that time really adds up.

I finally broke down and phoned Apple on the issue and was even bumped up to a second tier tech support rep, but after a week or two of back and forth trading of information, Apple dropped the issue and stopped contacting me. I'm sure they're hoping I'll forget about it or something. Instead I decided to blog about it.

Here's what I do know about the issue, however:

If I drag that network folder to the desktop, I don't have the slow down problem when accessing the desktop folder.
Changing the way I view files -- list, icon, column -- doesn't affect performance noticeably.
It doesn't matter if I access a file share on a Windows server or a Linux server running Samba.
Accessing the folder from a Windows computer pulls up the list of files in 2 - 3 seconds.
Accessing the folder from a Linux computer running Fedora Core 5 takes just as long as from the Mac.

Aha! Both the Mac and Linux use Samba for browsing Windows file servers. Though I did relate this information to Apple, they seemed to shrug it off. Probably because the guys I spoke to didn't know what Samba was even though it's the underpinnings of the Mac's ability to integrate with Windows. If they did know what it was, their silence at the word "Samba" sure didn't lend any confidence to that fact.

So I'm left believing the issue is with Samba and I just don't know what settings in smb.conf might take care of it -- if any. If you have any clues, please let me know.

UPDATE 03.15.06: The only workaround to this issue I've found is to physically reduce the number of files in the folders. This seems silly considering Windows and it's 10+ year old technology can run circles around the (in general) more modern and UNIX based OS X. But that's what we're doing. Again, if you have any thoughts please share them in the comments....

2) Adobe InDesign CS2's import filter is messed up on the Mac version. A few years back, the "creatives" here took it upon themselves to start adding a # in front of their design numbers in the file names. So instead of an image named "123456-bwdog.tif" it might be named "#123456-bwdog.tif."

On the whole, this doesn't seem like a big deal, but when you try to place that file from the network into InDesign CS2 on the Mac you get the error message "Cannot place this file. No filter found for requested operation."

The strange thing is that if you copy this file to your Mac desktop and try to place it, it works fine. Additionally, the error doesn't always happen -- just most of the time -- even when placing other network files.

WORKAROUND / FIX: Early on we found that simply renaming the file to remove the # while in the "Place" dialog box will eliminate the problem. This is stupid though. Why should it work from the desktop but not the network? Adobe?

3) Font management on the Mac stinks. Not really an issue when working in the account services department, but it sure became one in creative.

What bonehead decided that there should be "computer" fonts and "user" fonts and ... oh yeah, "system" fonts as well? Turns out a single font could be installed in one or all of those locations and that can cause some major problems. In Windows, there's just the Fonts folder. That's it. One place to install them. On the Mac, even if I go in to the Font Book and set it to only install fonts to the "computer" so that all users can utilize them, some programs, like Microsoft Office override this and install in the "user" area anyway! If the user area is turned off, then it should be off.

4) And on that note, we have an awful time with font "tearing" in Mozilla Thunderbird and Mozilla Firefox. In other words, when the Power Mac user types something in Thunderbird and then tries to backspace over what they typed to make a correction, for example, the old letters typed on screen "tear" and leave remnants of themselves behind making it nearly impossible to type something new. This same thing happens in Firefox when using webmail.

This problem does not appear on the account services iMac.

UPDATE / FIX 04.06.06: This is fixed! Turns out to be related to #3 above. There were duplicates of important OS X fonts in both the "System" and "Computer" file areas. Once those were eliminated the problem went away.

Okay, that's enough for today. I'll continue this next time....

Augh! Fingerprints!

2006-02-14T09:00:00.000-06:00

So the rumor mill this past week has been flooded with conjecture about the next video iPod. Sporting a touch sensitive 3 1/2" screen, the speculation is the next iPod will have a "virtual" click-wheel that appears when you touch the screen and disappears when no longer needed.

That's very cool technology ... But I hope the rumors are false.

Wha ... Why?

One word: Fingerprints.

You think iPod owners are going crazy now constantly wiping fingerprints off their glossy white portable jukeboxes? Just wait until they have to deal with a greasy circular smudge on their video iPod's screen - right in the middle of Mr. Incredible's face.

It will be a constant battle for picture clarity as they use the click wheel, wipe the fingerprints off so they can watch their video, use the click wheel again, wipe the fingerprints off again... Well, you get the idea.

My guess is that IF this rumor is true and the next video iPod does indeed sport this virtual click wheel interface, it will only be in cahoots with the 3rd Party iPod Accessories industry that Apple releases this device.

Imagine the possibilities: silicone finger tip covers and multi-colored "socks" for your fingers await!

Internet Explorer 7 Out Foxed!

2006-02-03T09:00:00.000-06:00

Wow.

The time it takes for this to happen is getting shorter and shorter with each new release, and it just goes to show: You simply are not, and will never be, safe running Microsoft's Internet Explorer on your computer system. Yes, I realize this is only a beta of Internet Explorer 7 – the second in fact – but based on my personal experience as an end-user and as the person who has to support this crap when it destroys the computer systems of friends and co-workers like a cancer out of control, I can tell you that it's not gonna get better for you as a Windows user until you drop IE like the bag of steaming cow dung that it is and switch to Firefox or Opera as your main browser.

With each new release of Windows, Microsoft claims it to be the “most secure” release of Windows to date. Well, their aspirations are obviously low because it's easy to see that with each version of Windows our computers are becoming more and more vulnerable as the old code to maintain backwards compatibility remains to clog up the works.

The forthcoming Windows Vista once again claims to be the most secure version of Windows, but I already have my doubts based on what I've seen. The most critical mistake exhibited in Vista so far is that it gives the end user the ability to “always allow” installations that would otherwise require an Administrator password to run to happen without asking. Err, isn't that what's causing all the problems for Windows XP users now?

Microsoft just doesn't get it.

Unbelievably, Vista and the just discovered security flaw in IE7b2 is not what I intended to write about today. No, that was just handed to me like a birthday present to help bolster what I really wanted to write about: the “innovative new” features in IE7 that Microsoft worked so hard on in order to deliver a more pleasant browsing experience to you, their beloved end-user.

aside: At the Consumer Electronics Show, Bill Gates showed off the new Windows Vista and all of its wonderful features. Shortly after that speech, someone released a video to the Internet that overlayed Apple's OS X Tiger on top of Gates' speech to illustrate how Vista is hardly “innovative” and merely cribbed from features available in OS X since 2001. Anyway....

So let's get started highlighting some of the “new” features of IE7 – the first new release of IE in 5 years I might add – shall we?

ActiveX Opt-in: So, the main reason anyone could possibly still want to run Internet Explorer today – that is, the non-standard, proprietary ActiveX controls many older (read 'banking') web sites require -- are now going to be disabled by default. Web developers will need to keep this in mind when designing new sites and may, very likely, remove existing ActiveX controls from their sites in favor of more modern and standards compliant technologies such as AJAX. In truth that's great news for you and me as we'll enjoy a renaissance of web design (some are calling it Web 2.0) where it won't matter what browser we use, it will just work.

Fix My Settings: This one is amusing. So now IE will let you know if you've made any changes to your browser settings that would prove “dangerous” to you as you browse the web. Does that seem silly to you too? Why on earth would Microsoft EVEN ALLOW this to happen? End-users have no business making changes to their browser that might make it dangerous to their computer. In light of IE being so tightly integrated into the OS, Microsoft should hide this capability in some obscure location and require Administrators only have access to it. Firefox and Opera are, by default, secure and you don't need any silly warnings to tell you that you might be in danger. And if you want to make “behind the scenes” changes to Firefox? Well, you can – if you know what you're doing – by typing about:config in the address bar and making the changes you need. Even still, you might hoark Firefox, but you're not going to endanger your computer by making these changes.

Improved AJAX Support: I think it'd be better if they just said, “now has real AJAX support.” If you use Google's Gmail, then you're using AJAX. All that fancy stuff you can do in there while composing a message? That's AJAX. Instead of the half-baked ActiveX control version of AJAX support in previous versions, IE7 will have native AJAX support in the browser like everyone else.

Alpha Channel in PNG Images: FINALLY! Good lord but it took long enough! Designers have been waiting years ... at least 5 years or more in my case ... for Microsoft to do this. We've been stuck using transparent GIFs and JPGs for photographs. Now we can finally use the much better PNG format for our images and get transparency at the same time. Up until now, Firefox, Opera and Safari users would see transparent PNGs properly while IE users would see a “box” surrounding the image.

Extensions!: There will be hundreds and hundreds of free extensions from the developers and third parties to do cool things like; put the current weather conditions in your bookmarks bar, make a scrapbook of your favorites sites and/or clippings of those sites that you can then annotate and edit, check what blogs are writing about the page you're on, Gmail notification right in the browser, control your iTunes or Windows Media Player from within the browser and many, many, more!

Wait. Hang on here.

Now that I'm looking at the Internet Explorer 7 feature list again ... ummm ... No, I guess I was wrong. There are no extensions for IE7. But every extension I mentioned is available right now for Firefox!

Tabbed Browsing: Again, this is something smart web users have been utilizing for years. In the mean time you can always tell an Internet Explorer user by the dazed look on their face caused by the thousands of IE windows open on their screen at one time. A welcome improvement for no other reason than the poor schleps still using IE can finally see the light – plus they'll be used to the concept and be able to jump right in and take advantage of it when the drop IE7 due to security problems and switch to Firefox in 2007.

And, by the way, things like “Tab Groups” is just a fancy way to say you can bookmark your tabs together into one group. Firefox has had this since... oh, never mind.

Security Status Bar: Yeah, Firefox has had this feature since before version 1.0. In fact, it was through meeting with the Mozilla Foundation that Microsoft created this the way they did. When visiting a secure site in Firefox, the address bar will turn yellow to alert you that you're on a secure site. In addition, you'll have the standard “lock” icon and the URL of the site you're visiting should appear next to that lock.

The one thing IE7 does, however, that Firefox currently does not, is identify potential Phishing sites in the address bar with color coding. I do expect we'll see this feature in the 2.0 release of Firefox and that is due to be released BEFORE Internet Explorer 7. If you want Anti-Phishing technology for your Firefox browser right now, then I would suggest you check out the Google Safe Browsing extension from Google.com.

Delete Browsing History: An easy way to cover your tracks. Again, Firefox debuted this with their alpha and beta versions of Firefox 1.5. In Firefox, click TOOLS -> CLEAR PRIVATE DATA

Simplified User Experience / Favorites Center / Advanced Printing / CSS Improvements: Check, Check, Check and Check. Oh! You misunderstand ... I've got that all in Firefox ... now.

Toolbar Search Box: Taken directly from Firefox, Opera and Apple's Safari. Been there. Done that.

RSS Feeds: Welcome to the game Microsoft! In fact, they're even using the same icon that Firefox uses.

Protected Mode / Parental Controls: Oh ... wait .. never mind. You need to be running Windows Vista to take advantage of these. That'll be another $150 please....

Cross Platform Compatibility!: Just kidding. Microsoft doesn't give a rat's ass about Macs or Linux boxes.

Well, that's just a sampling of the new features in IE7. To read the full list of “new” features or to ~~infect your computer with~~ install the new IE7 beta2, click on over to http://www.microsoft.com/windows/ie/ie7/default.mspx

aside: Keep in mind that Internet Explorer 7 is BETA software. In addition to the normal problems you might have with IE, you may experience other problems as well – remember that IE is integrated into the OS – that are a result of this being early release code. Unless you're comfortable running beta software, I would avoid this altogether.

If you want all of those features and more in a secure, stable browser for your Windows, Mac or Linux computer and you want those features now, then head on over to www.mozilla.com and download Firefox 1.5 today.

Whatever you do, Don't Click on the Blue E!

Our Little Boy Is Growing Up

2006-01-31T09:00:00.000-06:00

One More Thing...

On December 8th, the Chicago Sun-Times reported that Disney is planning to introduce a girl to the Hundred Acre Wood!

A girl!

I understand the business reasons behind this. Apparently Mr. Pooh is not happy with the total market dominance over his boss Mickey and has instructed his agent to stir up the (hunny) pot and increase his viewership.

One thing that is completely ignored, however, is the fact that the Hundred Acre Wood exists entirely in the (apparently very fertile) mind of young Master Christopher Robin. So, in order for there to be a girl in the Hundred Acre Wood, that means, yes, Christopher Robin has to ... fantasize about her.

Referring to this new show as an “alternative universe,” a Disney spokesman says: “Christopher Robin is still out there in the woods, playing.”

Playing indeed! Oy!

So when you set you children down in front of the set to watch this new series, just keep this in mind and pray that Disney doesn't introduce a new series called “Christopher Robin: The Teen Years.”

postscript: Calm down people, I'm just having a little fun at Pooh's expense.

Joking aside, if they're going to introduce a new girl character to the World of Pooh, it makes sense to acknowledge that she springs from Christopher Robin's imagination and have him interact with her instead of banishing Christopher to the woods "somewhere."

Or, better yet, have her be just as real as Christopher, but with the same ability to imagine and play in his world with his friends Pooh, Piglet, Rabbit and the rest of the gang ... and maybe introduce a few of her friends as well.

Instead of separating them into "Mars" and "Venus" camps, wouldn't it be better to promote how boys and girls can have healthy relationships, working and playing together in day to day life without the underlying sexual tension that's so prevalent in (children's) television these days?

That would be nice and sweet ... like Hunny.

Ketchup ... Catsup ... err, Catch Up!

2006-01-30T21:00:00.000-06:00

Hey folks, sorry it's been so long since I've made a proper posting. With the podcast, the holidays and some issues that crept up at work, I just never got around to it.

I've been accumulating things to talk about though and here, even if in more succinct form, are some topics that came to my attention in the past month or so.

Enjoy!

Yes, We Have No John Lennon, We Have No John Lennon Today....

So there was a bit of an uproar that the new John Lennon album was not going to be available through iTunes.

What's the big fat hairy dudes? Look, the album may not be available through iTunes, but that doesn't mean you can't get it through other channels. It's available through Amazon for only $22.99. Even if you have to pay shipping, that's still roughly $11 less than buying the digital tracks through iTunes AND you get the CD, liner notes, etc, etc.

Still want it on your iPod? Rip it. Duh.

Taft Students Daft – Think Blogs Are Private

So according to a December 8th, 2005 Chicago Sun-Times article, three honor students at Taft High School were suspended for making what basically amounts to death threats against a teacher on their personal blog. The school says they were tipped off to the posting, the students say the school was “monitoring” their personal blogs.

What was posted?

In a posting November 3rd, one student wrote: “She'll see oh yes, there will be blood, ... Ms. ---'s neck will be ... slit like a ... chicken!”

Wow, nice honor students huh?

After the suspension, one Taft student (not one of the bloggers) said “A blog is like your journal. You should be able to say whatever you want in it...”

And the student blog poster later wrote: “I didn't know our Xanga's were being monitored. It's not private like we think. I thought it ... was freedom of speech.”

Uh, you mean you didn't realize your blog was being monitored by ... the ENTIRE WORLD?

Being public, I don't find it surprising at all, in light of the gun, drug and other problems in schools these days, for another student to read this entry, freak out and bring it to the attention of authorities – in this case the school.

Talk about stupid.

Journals ARE private and secure in your desk drawer at home. That's why nobody knew the Columbine shootings were coming, the students in that case kept their journals to themselves and didn't post them on the Internet for everyone in the world to see! If only they had...

A blog, on the other hand, is akin to printing up the message on a leaflet and posting it all over town. Blogs by their nature are not private and if you want them to be so, then password protect it. But please don't go around screaming violation of First Amendment Rights if you're going to talk about slitting a teacher's throat like a chicken.

Okay kiddies?

Oh ... and can someone tell me what the criteria are for honor students at Taft High School? They must be pretty low....

D.L.K.

In another public school case, the officials of McHenry High School expelled a student for drawing his initials on a piece of paper.

Okay, it's not quite as simple as that, but what it amounts to is the school bullying a student they seemed to have branded a “bad egg” years ago.

Accusing D.K. (I'm withholding names here) of drawing “gang symbols” on his notebooks in class, the school suspended and, later, expelled D.K. for drawing “DLK” on his notebook surrounded by various crowns and other images the school determined to be gang symbols. In what has to be one of the stupidest statements school administrators have made recently, they said “DLK” stood for “Disciples Latin King” apparently not realizing a) these are the kid's initials and b) they were blending two different gang names into one. I don't know about you, but I'd be interested to hear what members of those two gangs have to say about their names being merged like that.

Look, if the kid is bad, he's bad. I don't know him or his family, but preventing him from expressing himself through artwork – “gang symbols” or not and without definitive links to said gangs – is not a great way to ensure his right to ... free speech and freedom of expression.

The kid needs to come clean and say if what he's doing is attempting to emulate these gangs and their ... err, ideals. Schools have policies against this – and for good reason. If he is, he should stop, but regardless of that, expulsion is a harsh way to punish this kid. Sounds to me like the school is doing exactly opposite what they should be doing ... but as we know, it's easier to sweep “problems” under the rug than to face them head on.

If he was merely doodling, however – I recently uncovered some of the drawings I made in grade school and these fantastical “war doodles” were full of bullets flying and body parts all over the place – then I think the family should bring the ACLU into the picture and see what a full blown lawsuit against the school district does to reverse this recent ruling.

Wishing You a Joyous Holiday Season

2005-12-25T09:00:00.000-06:00

Coyote (Famishus-Famishus)

2005-11-22T21:00:00.000-06:00

My daughter really wanted to watch some Looney Tunes tonight, specifically some Road Runner cartoons. So I pulled out The Golden Collection Volume 2 and popped in the second disc which is just about all Road Runner including such classics as "Beep Beep", "Going! Going! Gosh!", "Guided Muscle" among others.

About half-way through, the thought struck me that the poor ol' coyote must be having a hell of a time these days what with even little things like model rocket engine sales being monitored by the DHS.

Here's a partial list of the items used by the coyote in the 7 Road Runner cartoons we watched that would be difficult, if not impossible, to order from ACME today:

1) 20+ Rifles
2) 30+ barrels of TNT
3) Untold Boxes of Nitro Glycerin
4) Dynamite Lasso
5) One (1) Bomb
6) Standard Rocket
7) Box of Dynamite
8) Hand Grenade (x2)
9) Dynamite Arrow (with Bow)
10) Rocket Sled (bonus "Eat at Joe's" fireworks display extra)

What's the world coming to when a coyote has to resort to his wits alone (plus the occasional anvil) to capture his next meal?

*Image: Copyright and Trademark Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

Boys in Blue Hijack Rail System

2005-11-10T09:00:00.000-06:00

Last night the train I take home from work was delayed ½ hour – the other trains in front of ours much longer.

Though train delays due to mechanical breakdown or accidents have happened before, it's not a common occurrence. On most days, Metra is an extremely reliable way to get to and from downtown Chicago and seldom am I late for work or do I walk into the house much later than 6:15 each evening.

But last night...

"Attention folks..."

Oh, this is never good. We'd been stopped just east of Fox River Grove for a good 2 - 3 minutes and didn't show any immediate signs of moving.

"You're not going to believe this. This is NOT a story...but,"

Immediately I thought: "Cow on track?"

Turns out that I was not far from the mark with that thought.

In a move hearkening back to the 1800's – days when cattle and swine would routinely be found grazing around and on the tracks of the wild west – the tiny village of Cary, IL, under orders of their puffed-up "mayor" and police chief no doubt, decided that, since they so clearly are unable to control their own citizenry, the best way to prevent people from walking around the downed gates and getting squished at railroad crossings is to hijack the Metra Northwest line and all other rail traffic serving the greater Northwest Suburbs of the Chicago area and beyond.

Yes, in what will likely go down as one of the most bone-headed decisions in Cary's history, the cops commandeered all rail traffic going through their town because they are "sick of" (direct quote of our Conductor) people walking around the gates!

Obviously fining the people who break the law by walking around downed gates would make too much sense. After all, the Village of Cary reasons, the man-power needed to control our population as opposed to blocking the federally controlled rail lines would be minimal... so let's, instead, decide to completely misinterpret and abuse the power we have and waste a ton of taxpayer dollars to make what could arguably be called the stupidest decision to ever hit the books in our small town's history.

Yes, congratulations to Mr. Mayor and to the brave "boys in blue" who threw away thousands of dollars in fines they could have potentially levied against the law-breakers, in favor of disrupting Metra's revenue stream and one of the most important means of moving goods across the country – our freight trains.

After ~~the liquor wore off~~ they came to their senses, they allowed train traffic to go through once again albeit much more slowly than normal.

I just hope Metra deliberately moved the trains slowly to keep Cary's roads closed as long as possible at the grade-crossings to cause more headaches for these pinheads.

Someone within Cary should get their chimichangas nailed to the wall for this one.

It's Not a Trick, Just a Yummy ESC! Halloween Treat

2005-10-31T23:59:00.000-06:00

Blogging and Podcasting is supposed to be about reality. The unvarnished truth. So in the interest of fairness and "truth in blogging" I feel the need to point out that, though this entry is dated October 31st, I didn't actually get around to posting it until November 9th. So there it is. Please don't hold it against this poor procrastinating soul....

It's a Happy Halloween in ESC! Headquarters tonight! As little ghosts, goblins and Napolean Dynamites sporting "Vote For Pedro" shirts came calling, I was able to put the final touches on the newest edition of ESC! Magazine and push it out the door with only a few hours to spare! For, you see, the Fall issue is due in October. This being the 31st and all I was running just a tad late.

Knowing I would be out of town for two weeks during the month of October, I had grand plans back in ~~August~~ July to get most of the magazine laid out and ready for proofing over 8 weeks before it was to be released. Then, even if I was on the road, I'd be able to upload it to the servers in time for the release date. Funny thing about mixing a procrastinator with time is that time, as I understand it, does not stand still. This little nugget of truth was hard to escape as August became September which soon became October and I found myself behind the wheel of the family car for a 4300 mile round trip to California with little to no major progress made on the magazine itself.

On the other hand, I've always been proud of my ability to work well under time constraints (the aforementioned inability to manage my time effectively aside). Fortunately, my scrambling skills are still intact and I was able to get the project done and still fall within my "expected release date" of mid to late October. As anyone can well see, I don't like to saddle myself with the responsibility of actually naming a real date upon which it would come out. Just a mid-late October will do nicely thankyouverymuch.

So it's here. And it's a good one folks! For all the gooey details, be sure to bop over to http://www.escmagazine.com/escmagV9N2.asp and download your copy today.

Amazon, Trust Me, You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry...

2005-09-22T09:00:00.000-05:00

On August 25th I placed an order for the new Macromedia Studio 8 through Amazon.com. It was a good price and it had free shipping so I figured 'what the heck.' Oh, I should mention that when I say "I placed an order" I mean "I, as a representative of my Company, placed an order." I don't want anyone thinking I'm loaded or anything....

So... yeah, the software was due to be available on September ... 15th I believe. Amazon usually does a great job of getting things into your hands pretty much on or very near the release dates. What Amazon doesn't like, however, is change. Any change. I've found that after you place an order if you make any changes to it, their system just goes ka-flooey and you can't properly track it anymore. It's there ... just not quite right. This is nothing new. It's been going on for years and years. For some reason, when you make a change, the order information gets all screwed up and sometimes you'll appear to loose a gift certificate you've applied to the order or your shipping info will be screwed up... Ultimately when they ship the item everything gets ironed out, but gosh darn I'd sure like to be assured of that before my credit card gets charged. It's just one of those quirks you learn to put up with I guess.

I mention Amazon's tendency to do this for a reason.

I was really hoping to have the software in my hands by September 30th. For one, the big boss has a project he'd like me to work on that could really benefit from a feature in the new version and two, because I'm going to have some extra time out of the office after the 30th to get the software installed, tested and checked out before I need to plunge head-long into work again on the 18th.

As the release date passed, however, I noticed the order was not entering the "Preparing for Shipment" phase so I clicked through on the item and found that it was estimated to ship within 1 to 2 weeks. Okay, cool. Macromedia probably just didn't get it out in time or the supplier is held up. It happens.

As it's only a couple bucks to do so, I decided to make a change to my order and switch the shipping method from Free Shipping to 2-Day Shipping. Mostly I did this because Amazon (and all vendors who offer free shipping) tend to drag their feet on preparing and shipping items ordered with free shipping. I can't fault them. Shipping costs are high and, well, you get what you pay for. Right? Besides, as I mentioned, I really wanted to have this in my grubby little hands.

Anyway, soon after changing the shipping method I noticed that the software's status changed from 1 to 2 weeks estimate to 1 to 2 days. Usually this means they now have it in stock and will ship soon. Unfortunately, after 2 ... 3 ... 4+ days passed the status wasn't changing to "Preparing for Shipment" or "Shipping Soon." In truth I figured that behind the scenes the shipping method was still listed as "Super Saver" and was being given the ol'free shipping treatment if you know what I mean.

I finally decided to write and ask what was going on.

After digging around for 30 minutes trying to find their contact form (they REALLY don't want you to e-mail them), I wrote the following:

Hello,

This order has been sitting stagnant for over a week now even though the item I ordered says it will ship in 1 - 2 days.

Can you please check the status of the order?

Do I need to cancel and re-order?

Thank you.

I think that's pretty straight forward. It has been sitting stagnant (maybe not the best word choice but still appropriate I think in this instance). I asked if I should cancel the order because I know from experience that if something is screwed up in the Order Status screen, often times the only way to fix it is to cancel and reorder. So my reasoning behind writing was that if someone actually looks at the order they might say "Oh! I see the problem. It still shows as Super Saver shipping on this end." Or some such thing and be able to take care of it.

At this point you are no doubt wondering where I'm going with this as it's otherwise a very boring entry so far. Well, we've reached our destination folks, please be careful as you exit the train....

I got my answer from Amazon.com this morning and the content of their reply surprised, amused and pleased me.

In all, it was a nice letter, but I have to feel that the sender just dragged and dropped whatever responses he could find in his computer to make up the reply. Mostly because the level to which he apologized went way beyond (like out to Jupiter beyond) my level of questioning.

What follows are snippets from the letter I found particularly amusing:

Thank you for writing back to us at Amazon.com.

First, let me apologize for any inconvenience caused by this issue.

Okay. Thanks, I appreciate that.

I don't blame you for being upset, and I do apologize profusely for all of the delays which contributed to this very unfortunate encounters.

I guess you could say I was "upset" ... okay, sure.

Err, "Very unfortunate encounters"?

I can only imagine how frustrated you must be with us at this point, I appreciate the admirable restraint you exercised in your message. My sincere apologies for the time you have spent dealing with this issue.

I don't know if I'd say "frustrated"... Although it DID take me 30 minutes to find the fricken form to send my question in. You could do something about that....

Good gracious, but what sort of e-mails do these poor souls get if what I wrote -- which I felt was very straight forward and business-like -- showed "admirable restraint"?

And, again with the apologies. At this point I'm almost feeling a bit embarrassed that I even wrote in the first place! Well, that or this guy is just gushing sarcasm... Hmm. Didn't think of that until just now.

Anyway, he goes on to explain about suppliers and delays, etc, etc. That's kind of all I expected in the first place.

Then, as if fearing my "admirable restraint" would suddenly give-way like a levee poorly funded by the Bush Administration, he says:

We will keep these items on order and ship it to you as soon as we are able to obtain it. We will not charge you for it until we ship it to you. I have upgraded the method of shipment for this order to One-Day Shipping. There is of course no additional charge for this. I have also waived the shipping charges of $9.48.

Sweet! Of course providing the One-day shipping for the cost of Two-day would have been fine too but what the hey.

And then my new friend at Amazon.com goes on to say:

In addition to our large selection, one of the benefits we'd like to offer our customers is convenience, and we have not met that standard in this case. Please accept our sincere apologies.

We appreciate your business and hope that you will give us the chance to serve you again in the near future.

Talk about self-flagellation! Ow! And again with the apologies! Five times at least varients of the word "apology" appeared in the short e-mail I got from Amazon. What exactly did I say to warrant all this supplicating?

Well, truth be told, I like Amazon and I'm just having a little fun with their response to my question which, to this date, is the only one I've ever gotten that has gone overboard like this. I've been shopping there a very long time and can honestly say that their support and customer service (though more difficult to find now) are top-notch. Have you ever seen those "nostalgia" articles where they show an old picture of Amazon's home page and ask "Can you believe their site looked like this?" My answer is always, "Yeah, I shopped there then."

But I can't help but wonder: If I had been angry -- really angry -- and my letter reflected it... I wonder if I could get the guy to send me the keys to his car as he implores me to give them just one more chance...

Aside:
If you really want an entertaining look behind the walls of Amazon.com I'd encourage you to pick up Mike Daisey's book "21 Dog Years: Doing Time @ Amazon.com." That's what the hardcover was named anyway. It has since been rechristened "21 Dog Years: A Cube Dweller's Tale" for the paperback release. Whichever way you go, give it a read. You'll have fun as Mike relates his days working for Amazon and intersperses his fictitious letters written to Jeff Bezos throughout the book.

Feeling Horny?

2005-09-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

Okay. I may very well be the LAST PERSON on Earth to see this, but I couldn't look away... simply mesmerizing.

Enjoy! (link)

(Do not adjust your eyes. The site is in Icelandic.)

Katrina and the Waves

2005-08-29T09:00:00.000-05:00

As I write this my wife, daughter and I are glued to the Weather Channel watching news of Hurricane Katrina's path of destruction across the Gulf Coast.

Predicted as possibly one of the largest and most destructive hurricanes of recent memory, Katrina is pummeling the south with 165mph winds, 40 foot tidal waves and is flooding centers of major cities such as Mobile and New Orleans. Reports from the mayor of New Orleans are saying that many old and historic buildings in the city have collapsed -- perhaps with people still inside. Levees have broken sending up to 37 feet of storm surge throughout the cities along the Gulf Coast. The mayor reports people are clinging the roofs of their buildings praying for rescue. Windows have been blown out of skyscrapers and other buildings in the city center and the streets are flooded with up to 8 feet of water. Even those who sought shelter in the Louisana Superdome are threatened with the storm as the layers of the roof tear off exposing 9000 people sheltering within to Mother Nature's wrath.

In addition to the destructive powers of the hurricane's eyewall itself, tornadoes -- a side effect of the hurricane -- are ripping across Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia and even as far north as Kentucky.

Further, the Weather Channel reports that Katrina -- a storm whose reach stretches over 250 miles -- will still be packing hurricane force winds as it hits Hattiesburg, MS later this evening.

Being from the Upper Midwest, you might wonder why we're paying so much attention to a storm that the local papers barely mention.

We're watching so intently because as we watch Katrina tear through the South, our thoughts continuously wander to cousins, aunts and uncles who live in and along Biloxi, Gulfport, Ocean Springs as well as Hattiesburg, MS.

Hey Kelly, Lamar, William, Ryan, Aunt Sharon and everyone else: We know power and phones are out. And we know you have more important things to worry about right now, but we're thinking of you and hope to hear from you safe-and-sound very soon....

Pretty Clear Whose Bed the Dave Matthews Band Sleeps In...

2005-08-18T09:00:00.000-05:00

So the Dave Matthews Band has released a new album. I'm not going to promote it. I don't really care about them one way or the other, but they've achieved some level of notoriety with this album because it's one of the first to use the new copy ~~restriction~~ protection schemes the Recording Industry Ass. of America and the Record Labels are foisting upon unsuspecting consumers.

Here's the deal:
When you buy one of these albums, you'll no longer be able to "rip" it to your favorite MP3 player. No, you'll only be able to copy songs off the CD in WMA format which just happens to be Microsoft's proprietary music format. So if you are one of the small percentage of people in the country who own a player that can play WMA files, well, you're just fine aren't you? As long as you only want to make the number of copies the label TELLS you you can make.

In a seemingly funded by the RIAssA statement, the Dave Matthew's Band posts on their web site this big long, idiotic statement telling people that in order to get these tracks on their iPod (a non WMA playing device) they have to go through these very long and complicated steps and ... here's what rubs me the wrong way ... this is all APPLE'S fault.

Yes, it has nothing to do with the record labels or with the Dave Matthew's Band opting to go with the very limited copy protection in the first place. No, it's the fault of APPLE because they choose to NOT use WMA. Never mind that you can currently purchase the tracks through iTunes if you wanted to (I wonder how long Steve Jobs will keep their tracks up now). Nevermind that under US copyright law it's my RIGHT to make a copy for my own, personal use. Nope. The whole reason you have to jump through these hoops is because Apple didn't license WMA from Microsoft. It's always someone else isn't it?

Here's the truth:
This copy protection scheme ONLY works on Windows computers.

If you own a Mac or run Linux, you can rip the tracks like you always have. They even say that right at the beginning. "If you have a Mac computer you can copy the songs using your iTunes Player as you would normally do."

But according to the official Dave Matthew's Band website an "easier and more acceptable solution requires cooperation from Apple."

No it doesn't. All it requires is an Apple computer (or presumably a Linux computer).

Another easy and more acceptable solution would be for the Dave Matthew's Band to tell their label to shove it and jump to another, more artist and consumer friendly label. Obviously, they can't think that far ahead.

Since the Dave Matthew's Band is already giving you steps to circumvent the DRM of their CD, I thought I'd share a few thoughts on other, simpler, methods for getting their crap on your iPod without making Apple change their business model.

Method 1:

1) Don't buy the CD. Instead opt to purchase and download the tracks from the iTunes music store. There ya go. Done.

However, if you're going to rip the music then first buy the CD. Hey, I'm not advocating stealing the music!

Method 2 (ripping):

1) Try holding down the left shift key while inserting the CD in your Windows computer. This should stop the CD from auto-loading whatever DRM crap they are trying to install.

2) Start iTunes and rip the tracks as you normally would.

Technically, "they" might consider this to be bypassing the DRM of the disc, therefore putting you afoul of the DMCA. SO...

Method 3 (ripping):

Since the DRM is not applicable to Mac computers, there is no circumventing of it if you use a Mac to rip the tracks (unless the Feds decide that simply owning a Mac makes you a criminal because you can bypass the DRM with it. Don't laugh. Stranger things have happened.)

1) Simply borrow a friend's Apple computer to rip the tracks.

2) Copy those ripped tracks to a blank CD or shoot them back to yourself over the Internet.

3) Import those tracks into your iTunes.

Remember to delete those tracks from your friend's computer, though I suspect in this particular case they won't be able to get them off their computer fast enough.

For some RIAssA free music, be sure to check out the following sites:

http://music.podshow.com/
or
http://www.garageband.com/

Don't let the corporate, bottom line driven radio stations tell you what to like. There's some real kick-ass music to be found if you seek it out.

Thinning The Herd: Dumb Things People Do #1

2005-08-12T09:00:00.000-05:00

It's been dry here in the upper Midwest.

Very dry.

Bone dry.

So dry that some folks have forgotten that it may, on occasion, actually ... rain.

Weather forecasters have been predicting rain for a few days now. Enough that some of us came to believe it may actually rain! (Those silly weather forecasters and their predictions...)

Anyway, this morning it was raining. Not a downpour, but enough to get out the ol' umbrella on my mile long walk to the office from the train station.

Along the way I passed a few folks who, perhaps rightly so, chose not to believe the predictions of rain and left home sans umbrella.

When that happens you are usually left with a limited range of choices:

Run
Pull a jacket over your head (assuming you have one)
Hold a newspaper or other object likely to disintegrate in your hands as it gets wet, over your head
Suck it up and get wet
or, apparently, pull a plastic bag completely over your head!

Yes, as I walked along Kingsbury street, I caught sight of a man who, without his umbrella, decided the best course of action in his situation was to pull an empty, plastic, shopping bag COMPLETELY OVER his head. Worse yet, he did this in complete defiance of the "The thin film may cling to nose and mouth and prevent breathing" warning message printed on damn near every plastic bag ever invented ... well, since lawyers began roaming the earth anyway.

I'm not even going to question how the man was able to see where he was going - it was not a clear bag. No, my only question is "What synapses fired in this man's brain to make him think that pulling a plastic bag over his head was a good idea?" Ultimately, the sad part is that since it worked this time -- he did not die did he? -- he'll do it again. And again. And again. Until he ... well ... dies.

If you ever had any doubts about the legitimacy of Natural Selection, let this man serve as a prime example!

Dumb Things Corporations Tell Us #2

2005-08-11T09:00:00.000-05:00

Picked up a package of Good Sense Roasted & Salted Soynuts the other day and was amused to see the following printed on back:

"Ingredients: Soybeans, Sunflower Oil (Sunflower Oil, Citric Acid), Salt.

"Contains Soy Ingredients."

Really? Which part contains the Soy Ingredients? The Sunflower Oil? The Salt? The SOYBEANS???

I guess a corporation that calls soybeans and sunflower seeds "NUTS" can be forgiven for thinking that I would be confused by the fact that a product that has soybeans as its primary ingredient might actually contain SOY ingredients.

Jeez.

The End Is Nigh....

2005-08-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

Fair warning to all those who believe the dinosaurs never walked the earth or that man is not descended from apes...

... I have seen our future -- and it was a gorilla disguised in human attire jaywalking Canal Street this morning.

I must admit with his dress shirt and tie -- his "monkey suit!" Ha! Ha, ha, ha! *ahem* -- I almost mistook him (it was a man's shirt after all) for someone who decided to let it all hang loose and grow out his beard for the crazy days of summer. But, no, it was definitely a gorilla, the proof coming when I nearly tripped over his box of Chiquita bananas left carelessly on the sidewalk - I kid you not!

(Perhaps, in retrospect, the bananas were left as payment for the meter.)

Further, apparently casting off all vestiges of "ape-kind," I noted the ape discarded a partial -- partially devoured? -- box of bananas in the garbage at the next street corner.

Obviously my close encounter this morning begs a few questions:

What is this ape's purpose?

Where did he come from?

What does he want?

Will we soon find our planet overrun by apes and monkeys ala "Planet of the Apes?"

Will I be glad I work "north of the river" away from the hustle, bustle and ape-slaughter-against-man about to happen in the midst of Chicago's "Loop?"

And, perhaps most importantly ...

Why did I not do a double-take as I passed a gorilla jaywalking Canal Street this morning?

Oh Happy Day!

2005-07-29T09:00:00.000-05:00

Happy System Administrator's Day to ME!

Happy System Administrator's Day to ME!

Happy System Admin-is-tra-tor's Daaay Dear Mikey...

Happy System Administrator's Day to ME!

Well, no one else was going to say anything... :)

Okay, really now. All kidding aside. Does EVERYONE need some sort of special day? Good gracious, I'm a system administrator and I think it's just crazy. Although ... if you feel like buying me anything from the suggested Gift List, who am I to turn it down?

Will That Be To Go?

2005-07-24T09:00:00.000-05:00

Of course it will! After another all nighter, the second episode of ESC! Magazine's Coffee House To Go was "in the can" very early this morning or very late last night depending on how you want to look at it.

It's available through a number of outlets including PodcastAlley.com and Apple's iTunes so if you haven't set your favorite podcatching client to subscribe to it, point it to http://feeds.feedburner.com/CoffeeHouseToGo and let the software alert you whenever an new episode is released!

I'm always looking for new things to highlight in each episode, so if you have readings of your poetry, short fiction, blogs or even if you have something new in the world of small press, I want to know about it. Comments about each episode are always welcomed. Contact details can be found at the Coffee House to Go sister site, http://www.coffeehousetogo.com/

A Life Measured in Seconds...

2005-07-21T09:00:00.000-05:00

There he sat looking -- expectantly? -- at each passer by. I know ... I saw him look up at me as I went by. He was injured I believe. I'm not sure as he appeared to be sitting there unaware that his life was now measured in minutes -- seconds? -- not days or years as one would presume.

As always, when faced with this situation, I wanted to stop, but I was on the way to the train station, my mornings timed such that any deviation -- unusually slow driver, construction vehicle or tractor -- would make me late thereby forcing me to catch a later train.

Would that have been a problem though? Not really. I could be late. No one would say anything.

I could have stopped.

So why didn't I?

As this fellow looked up at me in his final moments, why didn't I stop the car, get out and offer whatever assistance I could afford? I've done it before, though, perhaps, not as often as I should.

It's not a terribly busy road, but even though I knew he would likely never see his family again, I drove on continuing to debate in my head the desire ... logic ... compassion ... of stopping. Thoughts of what might happen flashed through my brain:

"What if it was just a minor 'scrape'? Would my stopping exacerbate the situation? Could I make it worse?"

"Their songs are beautiful."

"Would others, as I have, make an effort to avoid him?"

"If I did stop, he would freak out. He would. It's in his nature. In his efforts to get away from me -- his 'rescuer' -- he might actually ... die."

"I've seen so many more this year than any other recent year. I wonder why that is?"

"He will be squished. His final seconds of life not spent in blissful flight but in terror as the tire of a passing car bears down upon him."

"He'll gather his wits and take flight to the nearest tree before anything can happen to him."

"Assume I DID offer him assistance. Once I cradled his broken body in my hands ... what then? Do I call in sick to work to bring him ... where?"

"Some slack-jawed-cell-phone-yacking-idiot could hit me. *I* could die in my efforts to save him."

I hate feeling this way. Knowing that I could do something ... should do something ... and don't. Am I so callous I can close my eyes to a fellow creature in need?

Or am I just practical? My love for my own family – what about his? – my understanding of the "circle of life" and a desire to not be injured myself pushing aside my inner voice telling me to stop.

Certainly I acknowledge there are bigger problems in the world than whether I stopped to help an injured bird.

As I write this, new reports are coming out of London that there may have been a second terror attack -- or at least an attempt at a second terror attack on the transportation system in London.

Getting all this insanity to stop before my daughter grows up into a world none of us recognize has to start somewhere ... maybe it should have started with me this morning.

Ah, So It IS True...

2005-07-20T09:00:00.000-05:00

To commemorate the 36th anniversary of the first manned moon landing (July 20th, 1969), Google today released a different take of it's Google Maps site.

Go to Google Moon to see satellite imagery of the lunar surface along with markers showing the details and locations of each of the Apollo landings.

Unfortunately, Google was limited to the satellite data NASA could provide them, but if you zoom all the way in to the surface you'll see that a long suspected rumor about the moon is TRUE!

Enjoy.

Now in iTunes!

2005-07-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

We made it! Coffee House to Go is finally listed in iTunes and, if my FeedBurner stats are correct, we've already picked up a few listeners through the service as well.

Wha, huh? You know ... my Podcast? Now do you remember? *sigh*

Anyway, that's exciting for me and it means I've got to hold true to my promise of producing one new episode a month. So far I'm on track to put out another one next weekend and it should be a good one so tune in ... m'kay?

Oh, and don't forget to send me your stuff! I'm looking for readings of short stories or poetry, interviews and reviews and stuff from your RIAA-shackles-free band. Drop on over to Coffee House to Go to read about there wheres, whys and hows.

Dumb Things Corporations Tell Us #1

2005-06-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

Found under Cooking Directions on Kraft's Jack's Naturally Rising Cheese Pizza (found in your frozen food aisle)

"Do Not Eat Pizza Without Cooking." (emphasis Kraft's)

Are we that dumb, that American corporations now have to tell us we should cook our frozen pizzas before eating them?

And, what if I WANT to eat my pizza frozen? Is there some sub-molecular change that occurs in cooking that would make it less dangerous to eat than when it's frozen? I mean, frozen or not, the ingredients are the same ... aren't they?

"Mike you rock..."

2005-06-25T23:59:00.000-05:00

It's not often, at age 38, I get to hear those words -- and as my 5 going on 6 year old daughter ages I'll hear it less and less, only to be replaced with eye-rolling -- but I read just that only a few moments ago. Let me explain....

Earlier this evening I was reading one of my favorite blogs, "The Sneeze", and his post today asked the simple question: "Open up your iTunes and take a look at the "Top 25 Most Played" playlist. What's the #1 song, and more importantly how many times have you relentlessly put it in your ears?"

My answer was that I more often listened to tunes on my iPod but if I opened up iTunes and checked the Top 25 list I have the following as my Top 5:

1. Goodbye Baby Blue - Ray Wilson
2. 15 Beers Ago - Deaf Pedestrians
3. Girl U Want - Devo (Tank Girl Soundtrack)
4. Gotta Get Up from Here - Ellie Lawson
5. If I Can Dream - Elvis Presley

By chance I went back to the page later in the evening and found that "someone" (the handle they used to post) said:

"And Mike you rock one of my close friends is the daughter of one of the members of deaf pedestrians."

As I said, finding out that I still "rock" at my age is a great way to end the evening. Thanks "someone" for making my day!

Virtual Coffee House

2005-06-21T09:00:00.000-05:00

In the past few months I've been putting together a plan to offer a new way of spreading the works of ESC! Magazine's contributors to a broader audience. Read on to learn how you can participate!

Introducing "Coffee House to Go."

What is Coffee House to Go? CHTG, an ESC!Cast produced and hosted by the publisher of ESC! Magazine, will be a monthly Podcast of poetry and short fiction read by the original authors, interviews with folks active in the small press community, news from the world of independent literature, audioblogs and, since it's an audio broadcast, a featured song or two from unsigned bands. I expect the length of the shows will vary quite a lot depending on the content, but most shows will be about 20 – 40 minutes long.

In addition to exposing your work to all of our listeners through the show, each Podcast will include (through online shownotes at our website or as part of the show itself) the information needed for listeners to order your poetry, book or CD. So, as a contributor to the Podcast, your work will not only be exposed through your performance but potentially through sales of your small press endeavor as well.

"Umm, excuse me but ... Podcast?? ... Podcasting??"

Podcasting derives its name from the combination of "iPod" and "broadcast" – though a common misconception is that you need an iPod to listen to it. You don't. Podcasts are typically released in the widely used MP3 format which is supported by a wide range of listening devices including many car and home audio systems. I guess a great way to describe a Podcast is to say it's the online equivalent of a radio broadcast – stored at our site for you to “subscribe” to and automatically download on your own schedule. Once downloaded, Podcasts are available for you to listen to at your convenience.

By subscribing to Coffee House to Go and other Podcasts using a program like iPodder or iPodderX, you literally become your own program director!

I've listened to Podcasts covering a wide range of topics from Disney to wine vintages to techie geek shows (okay, mostly techie geek shows). As for literature, I've found Podcasts devoted to science fiction and fantasy as well as a very small handful of Podcasts covering poetry. What I have not found, however, is a Podcast devoted to the broad range of general fiction and poetry that ESC! Magazine publishes.

Ramping Up

As part of getting ready for our first Podcast, I've registered both COFFEEHOUSETOGO.COM and ESCCAST.COM. CoffeeHouseToGo.com will take you to where you need to go to subscribe and listen to our show as well as share all the latest information about the show.

At ESCCast.com, blog entries will cover the software you'll need to listen to our broadcasts, how to "subscribe" to our site feeds, as well as the best way to record and submit your work to Coffee House To Go.

Becoming a regular contributor to the ESC!Cast blog is easy! Drop me a line with your ideas, articles or other content you think might benefit the Coffee House to Go listeners along with a writing sample and we'll talk.

How To Make Your Content ESC!Cast Friendly?

If you'd like to participate in the Coffee House to Go ESC!Cast, I would love to hear from you! If you've already got a handle on making recordings using your computer and would like to start submitting your work, please feel free to send me your recordings now.

To make the start up of this effort as seamless as possible, I would prefer you make a digtital recording of your work and e-mail it to me in MP3 format (128kbps or higher quality please) or send it to me on CD. I will consider audio tapes as well, but will try my hardest to avoid them at the outset. While there are exceptions to every rule, when faced with works of equal quality, the decision of whether to include a piece that will take just a little effort to use (MP3) or to include a piece that would require an analog to digital conversion before I can use it (tape), I will go with the electronic one every time.

Recordings should be no longer than 10 – 15 minutes. What this means is in most cases you're not going to be able to send me your entire short story. If you can, great! Otherwise plan to excerpt your favorite section from the story and be sure to let me know where people can get the rest if they're interested. If you'd like to serialize it, be sure to divide it so there is a natural break between the installments and I'll run it over a number of Podcasts.

To most effectively promote your chapbook, book or CD, I recommend you make it available to order through the Internet. In general, people are much more likely to make an impulse purchase if they can do it right away rather than having to put the order together in an envelope, stamp it and mail it off to some unknown address. I know I'm that way ... how about you?

Coming Up!

The first show is in production and will be released very soon, but by getting the information out to you now, you'll have time to send content in for our second show.

So tell me what you think of Coffeehouse To Go and the idea of ESC!Casts in general! Leave a comment below or e-mail me directly if you'd like to discuss any ideas you have.

Bruised Apple?

2005-06-06T21:00:00.000-05:00

So the big news today is that Apple is going to move from using PowerPC processors to Intel processors - the processors used by every Windows PC out there. And since everyone has been weighing in on this topic over the rumor-filled weekend, I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring as well.

On the whole, I'm not so sure this move is the best Apple could be making at the moment. With the recent push to get more switchers, it seems telling all those folks the new Mac mini or iMac they just bought is not the future of the company is a bad move.

It's true new Apples will not be sold running Windows. They'll be running OSX. The same operating system the Apples run now. The general buying public, however, does not understand the differences between processors or even operating systems, so Apple will have an even tougher row to hoe convincing buyers that the Apple computer running an Intel processor is different than the Dell computer running an Intel processor. On the other hand, the whole GHz to GHz comparison will now be a moot point. You'll literally be able to compare Apples to ... hmmm ... let's go with lemons.

You see, it's not the processor that makes the computer useful, friendly, safe and secure. It's the operating system. And, whether OS X is running on an Intel or a PowerPC, it will still be infinitely more powerful and secure than anything running Windows.

And that's what is really bothering me.

Should Apple decide to make their computers capable of running Windows as well as OS X, we'll have a whole lot of people who slap Windows on it just so that it's "more familiar" rather than run the much better OS X. And then, my friends, the same issues plaguing commodity PC users running Windows today will plague Apple computer users running Windows tomorrow.

Even if Apple says "No way" to running Windows on their hardware - which is unlikely - there will still be some enterprising hacker who gets Windows to run on it anyway.

What should Apple do?

Apple already invests heavily in the open source community. I'd like to see Apple really dump a ton of cash and development time on the WINE project. Wine is an environment for Linux desktop computers that allows them to run Windows applications without running Windows. Cool huh? You bet!

If Apple were to put its development muscle behind the project, they might be able to create a nice, Windows compatibility layer for OS X Leopard on Intel (a la Classic mode in OS X) that would allow folks to go ahead an install most of their Windows applications without needing Windows itself. And then, with that capability, if they further "sandboxed" those apps to keep them from interfering with the core OS, they would have a KILLER combination on their hands!

In the mean time, we have to wait until 2006 to see a bigger glimpse of what Apple has up their sleeve.

*ASIDE: Undoubtedly there are a couple big motivations for Apple to move from the PowerPC platform. One is cost. Intel chips, by the nature of their production volume, are much cheaper to procure than PowerPC chips.

The other is technology. Currently Apple is having trouble bringing their notebook line to the G5 processor and their desktop line to the 3 GHz mark. By moving to Intel, they could achieve this goal right now.

But what does that do to their arguments that the PowerPC processors are superior to the Intel processors? Have they been lying to us this whole time? Definitely not. The PowerPC processor IS better ... for now. But Apple's question to IBM is, where will the PowerPC be in two years? If there is an answer, it's surely one Steve Jobs didn't like.

With all the pros and cons of moving to Intel aside, my question to Apple is, "Who's going to buy a PowerPC Mac in the next 12 months knowing that the Intel Macs are coming out so soon?"

A Nip Here, A Tuck There...

2005-05-23T09:00:00.000-05:00

Ah, yes. It's been a little while since my last posting ("Your last posting was on May 3rd Mike!!!") Umm, err ... yes. Yes it was. May 3rd. Correct. I, uh, don't suppose it helps to say that I've been intending to post something does it? Didn't think so.

So, anyway, what's been happening in the world of ESC! you ask? Not much. I always take a few weeks to decompress and step away from it after a new issue is released. As you may have realized from my previous posts, I tend to bring everything together in the course of just a couple weeks before the release date. To me, that's an inherent advantage to being small press. When something gets pulled or a release form doesn't make it to me in time, I have the flexibility to make any last minute substitutions I need to. On the other hand, with my full time job, family and other obligations, those last two weeks before release are doozies! And so ... I take a break afterward.

There have been some ~~exciting~~ things happening however!

I've already selected the artwork for the Fall issue's cover and it's a great piece. I won't say too much about it yet as I haven't got all the agreements in place, but I will mention that the artist has been shown in galleries as far away as Osaka, Japan and as close as Las Vegas, Nevada. She lists her primary influences as Jazz music and African art but I was particularly drawn (no pun intended - okay, yes it was) to the section of her bio where she mentions the influence of writers on her work such as Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Oscar Wilde and Theodore Dreiser.

The issue itself is pretty much complete at this point - at least as far as the selection of content. I hope to have the bulk of the layout done much earlier than normal as I will be on the road quite a lot when it comes out in October and I just won't have the time for procrastination!

There've been some slight changes to the website as well. I've finally nixed that long loathed bottom menu and replaced it with a much easier to read version. In addition, I've finally moved the content to the center of the screen. For most people I don't expect that made much difference, but for those of you running higher resolution screens, it will no longer be out of alignment with the bottom menu.

I've yet to add this blog's link to the top menu but I keep expecting to complete the much anticipated make-over of the site and it just keeps getting pushed off. One of these days... one of these days.

Until next time....

Wow. That's Just About All I Can Say. Wow.

2005-05-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

ESC! Magazine had its biggest download day in recorded history* on April 26th - one day after the release of our new issue.

On April 26th, our servers recorded 103 downloads of the Spring 2005 issue alone. For the single week encompassing 4/25 - 5/2, there were 229 downloads of the new issue.

In my book that deserves a "Wow."

Running stats on each day last week, I can see a definite pattern in the downloads. Surprisingly they began late Monday night. I didn't get the issue uploaded until 10:30pm and, yet, there were a fair number of downloads that took place in the last hour and a half before midnight.

Does that mean people were ... waiting for the new issue? Could I go so far as to say eagerly anticipating?

Another interesting thing I noted when reviewing the stats is that there was not one, single, PDF download on the weekend. That is, April 30th or May 1st. Not one. Then, on Monday, the downloads picked right back up again. In fact, they were double what they were the previous Friday.

Does that mean people are only downloading their issues of ESC! while "on the clock?" It sure would seem that way wouldn't it?

I certainly don't expect the same level of downloads to continue until the new issue is released this Fall. I mean, after all, my audience is somewhat ... focused, but it sure is great to know so many are in circulation.

If you've read the issue, please drop me a line to let me know what you thought. I'm eager to get your feedback to help shape future issues of the magazine.

*ASIDE: "Recorded History" for the ESC! Magazine web site stats goes back to April 2004. That's when I really started keeping track of the downloads.

Cell Phone Saves Chef

2005-04-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

Haven't posted in a couple days but I came across this article showing that apparently there IS a good use for cell phones with picture taking capability.

Who'd have thunk it, but this chef's life was saved when he took a snap of a spider that bit him as he unpacked a crate of bananas. He thought he was taking a keepsake photo when, in reality, the picture allowed the doctors to keep him alive!

Full Article Here

And He Finishes With 2 Hours to Spare!

2005-04-26T09:00:00.000-05:00

Going to the wire once again, the Spring issue of ESC! Magazine was made available for download late Monday night.

Marred by a last minute pull-out Friday, I was left with a big...blank...page right in the middle of the issue. Thanks to a last minute submission - which came about from calling in a few favors - I was able to juggle things a bit and get it out on time.

The unique thing about creating both a PDF and Print edition of the magazine is that, from the time the issue is "complete" -- Monday night in this case -- until it's printed and bound, I have the luxury of still making nit-picky tweaks to it. As it is, I've already made two slight revisions to the PDF since it was released. Nothing that will make the early versions collectible I'm afraid ... sorry early downloaders!

Now that it's being prepped for print, I have to refrain from any more revisions. Yep, the issue is now ... done.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it all together.

Final Edits

2005-04-22T09:00:00.000-05:00

Just printed out the second proof copy of the April 2005 edition of ESC! Magazine today. Release Candidate 2 for you software geeks...

To get to this point, I singled out and corrected over 190 individual errors throughout the issue in proof #1. Things like errant apostrophes, commmas and spelling errors are the things that get whacked at this stage.

Now with proof #2, I expect to make corrections to line spacing and other visual aspects of the issue and, when that's complete, I'll move on to my Final Proof to just give everything a final skunk eye before releasing it on Monday.

Somewhere in there I'll be tweaking the contributor bios and the editorial but, frankly, I know that if there are problems in either of those it won't be quite as critcal as an error in someone else's short story or poem.

In a bit of disappointing news, I'm sorry to report that, due to timing conflicts, "Vex" will not appear in this issue after all. I hope to be able to welcome Paul and his creation back for the fall issue.

For those of you wondering, the transition to InDesign is going quite well. Overall, I have to say that I'm very pleased with the product and all the newfound capabilities it has afforded me.

Next stop: Release Day! Stay tuned....

Earning the Key to Cyberspace City

2005-04-13T09:00:00.000-05:00

Six simple steps toward becoming a responsible resident of Cyberspace:

1) Don't use Internet Explorer

I'm beating the proverbial dead horse here, but using IE opens your computer up to all manner of spyware, viruses and Trojan horses. To be a responsible Net Citizen you should use a safer browser like Mozilla Firefox or Opera.

If you run across the occasional site that requires IE such as MSNBC (you KNOW what the MS stands for ... right?) or the Windows Update site, by all means use IE, but for every day browsing stick with something safe like Firefox.

2) Don't Open E-mail Attachments

Most viruses and Trojan horses are spread through e-mail attachments. If you're not expecting the attachment or it just seems ... off, don't open it.

You know what? Don't open them anyway.

3) Keep Your Computer Up To Date

If you're running Windows, please keep your computer up to date by running Windows Update at least once every month. Microsoft tends to release their updates on the second Tuesday of every month, so adopting a schedule of updating on the second Friday of the month (for example) might be a good choice.

Optionally you can set Windows to automatically download and install any new updates when they become available. I don't do this because I prefer to know when and how updates are being applied just in case a problem should arise.

4) Run a Good Anti-Virus Program

Keeping your system protected by running a good anti-virus program is critical. One that comes highly recommended is NOD32 by Eset. I personally use Frisk F-Prot. Both are good programs and do away with the unnecessary features that other, more popular, programs have.

Whatever program you use, be sure to schedule your anti-virus program to download updates automatically.

5) Run One or More Anti-Spyware Programs

Download and install both Lavasoft AdAware and Spybot S&D and run them regularly.

Some have also mentioned Microsoft's Anti-Spyware program, but I just can't bring myself to trust the company that's causing all these problems for people in the first place. Installing the Microsoft program shouldn't hurt anything, but I'm not so sure how much it will help either.

6) Run a Hardware Firewall*

Software firewalls are good but they can be easily defeated. By installing a good hardware firewall, you make your computer "invisible" to the outside world and do so with a piece of hardware that is not so easily cracked.

I've had a lot of luck with Linksys routers, but you should be good with D-Link or Netgear as well.

(*UPDATED 4.18.05: Hardware firewalls are for broadband users. If you're on dial-up, simply use the built in Windows firewall. It should afford you most of the protection you need. If anyone can refer me to a good, inexpensive, hardware firewall for dial-up users, please leave a comment below.)

That's it! Six easy steps to being a responsible resident of Cyberspace.

Oh ... wait. There's one more...

7) Use a Mac running OS X.

Yep. Folks currently running a Mac don't have to worry about spyware, viruses, Internet Explorer issues and most e-mail attachments.

Will this change? Perhaps as the Mac becomes more popular it will become a larger target for hackers, but by design a Mac running OS X is infinitely more secure than a standard Windows XP computer. The fact is, with the exception of the hardware firewall (which is just good common sense) and running an occasional software update, none of the other items on this list apply to Macs in 2005.

So there ya go. SEVEN steps to becoming a more responsible resident of Cyberspace.

NOTE: Even if you follow all the steps above and then some, you may still get a virus or other "infection." Please don't take this list as being legal advice or a be-all/end-all list of things you should do to be completely safe on the Internet. As with all advice, remember that YMMV (Your Milage May Vary).

Crunch Time

2005-04-12T09:00:00.000-05:00

It's about one week before the next issue of ESC! Magazine and that final week usually ends up being quite a crunch to get everything done and ready to post online in time.

Usually what happens right about now is lots of proof prints, last minute editing changes, waiting for additional content (yes, I'm still waiting on some) and, of course, the editorial. Couple that with my experiment of switching all layout work over to InDesign CS and it's going to be quite a busy week.

I'll be trying something different this issue by handing the bulk of the Editorial to someone else -- my wife actually -- so I'm eager to get your feedback on that little change. Don't worry, it's not permanent, but with the Blogitorials and a new little venture I'm working on (details soon), I figure you hear enough from me already ... plus, I'm quickly running out of time! If it goes over well, I may be open to ceding the floor to others in future issues.

Okay ... breather is over. Back to work....

Well Into the Morning with Kevin Smith

2005-04-04T01:28:00.000-05:00

Unlike all my other posts, this one is not timestamped "9:00 am." Why? Because I just walked in the door after going out to see one of Kevin Smith's talks entitled "An Evening with Kevin Smith."

Honestly not knowing what to expect, but being big fans of Kevin Smith, Janet and I were ushered to the front row of a sold out show (we bought our tickets back in February) and waited for what we thought was going to be a 1 1/2 - 2 hour show, after which we would go out for a nice dinner somewhere. Upon hearing one of the employees of the theater telling someone the show could last as long as 4 hours, we looked at each other and said, "Maybe dinner is out of the picture."

Kevin himself said at the beginning he expected the show to run about 4 hours -- his previous record of 7 hours being set just the night before in New Jersey -- as he was tired and jet lagged but he was doing this particular show as a benefit for the small Raue Center for the Arts in part as a favor for his Aunt who helped in the restoration and reopening of this 1929 theater back in 2001. As the show went on, it was clear that he was a bit spent from a long night of traveling (at one point he assumed a prone position to tackle a series of questions) but he was also energized by the mostly college age crowd. After all, who doesn't like being the center of attention in a room full of young, aspiring writers and directors who -- and I think I say this factually -- worship the ground you walk on? (One kid and his friends drove from Louisville, Kentucky to Northern Illinois to catch the show.)

Just a hair over 6 hours later -- at 10 minutes after 1am and after Kevin got a phone call from his brother (who was sitting in the balconey) reminding him how late it was -- we walked out of the theater into the early morning air.

If you don't know who Kevin Smith is, you may recognize some of his films: Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Jersey Girl. Kevin Smith is a writer, director and producer who has, throughout all his success, remained accessible to his fans and true to the spirit of independent film making.

His talks, typically given at college campuses around the country, are not "lectures" so much as "listen and answers." When being introduced, we were told that Kevin would give a little talk and then the floor would open up to a question and answer session. But when Kevin came out he said "I don't know what that dude was talking about, this is all a f*cking question and answer session!"

Soon the aisles filled with those eager to hear the answers to their questions. What I found most fascinating about the night was Kevin's ability to take what otherwise might be considered a stupid question and make that person matter - even to the extent of allowing (maybe "allow" is too loose a word) one rabid fan to come on stage and recite a soliloquy from the movie Dogma before getting to the young man's question. What could otherwise have been quite boring in the wrong hands was made interesting as Kevin wove stories -- often not even related to the question -- for minutes on end until he would end with "What was your question again?" Every question was answered though and everyone who wanted to got a chance to ask, even if they had to endure a little derisive ribbing by Kevin or the audience in the process.

Just like his movies, Kevin's talks are filled with cursing, fart and dick jokes -- often at his own expense. But don't let this dissuade you from going if you get the chance because, if you're an aspiring writer, comic artist, director or producer you will come away from the talk with new appreciation for your art -- and you might even get a chance to ask a question of someone who's been down that road before you.

Oh, and our plans for "dinner out?" Well, Janet nuked a hot dog and I had two bowls of Rice Krispies -- then we both went to bed.

ASIDE: If you're a fan of Kevin Smith's work and don't live near a college campus or other venue where he is likely to give one of his talks, don't fret because you can purchase a DVD version of his show which, through editing, is likely to weed out the "lame" questions to give you a much cleaner and polished performance than going to see him live. At four hours, the DVD is not as long or as dynamic as seeing the man in person, but since every show is dictated by the questions he gets, it won't spoil anything for you should you get a chance in the future to catch his performance live.

Click here to purchase "An Evening with Kevin Smith" from Amazon.com.

New Virus Warning

2005-04-01T09:00:00.000-06:00

What follows is an e-mail warning I sent to all employees of my company this morning. I felt it prudent to cross post it here.

TECH ALERT:
New Virus Warning

April 1, 2005

WHAT

Due to the recent discovery in the lab of the first Computo-Human virus, researchers have become increasingly concerned that, due to the ease of transmission (through casual keyboard and/or mouse contact), the global reach of the Internet and the ease by which young hackers could replicate and distribute these destructive payloads, this type of computo-human virus (known by researchers as Win32/ap.fo01 or "compu-flu") could quickly become pandemic, causing one of the largest outbreaks of its kind.

HOW

Researchers in Palo Alto have created a computer virus that is capable of transmitting itself through human contact with the keyboard or mouse. While they've achieved greater transmission rates with newer "USB Style" peripherals, they've found viral levels to be dangerously high for users of the older "PS/2" and "AT" style keyboards as well.

It was discovered that routine contact with the keyboard can transmit the virus to your skin. From there it slowly migrates into your circulatory system to lie dormant while it replicates and begins using the human as host for distribution to other keyboards and mice the human might come in contact with. The virus is typically excreted from the human host through the sweat glands or through saliva.

As a simple example of how rapidly this virus could spread, imagine using an infected computer at work, going home, using that computer -- the same one your family uses -- and then your spouse goes into work and your kids go into school. Once the computers in a school or other workplace get infected, the rate of infection multiplies exponentially as other users of those systems then become carriers of the virus.

HOW TO SAFEGUARD YOURSELF

In our workplace I will begin installing sub-dermal scanners -- to be used in place of the usual password -- to gain access to your workstation.

This scanner will delicately remove (scrape) a fine layer of cells from your epidermal layer using a finely honed blade similar to what you might find in a typical disposable razor. The device will then analyze and compare the DNA strands found within your cells to existing records of your DNA previously collected to determine if you've become infected.

To ease privacy concerns, the scanning devices incinerate your genetic material using high powered lasers (similar to those found in DVD burners) after the scan is complete.

Because of the ease by which you could pick up the virus, this process must be repeated after every prolonged absence from the computer such as a coffee or cigarette break, lunch or even going to the bathroom. The time you can be away from the computer is determined by the system, but the average time allowed is approximately 3 - 4 minutes.

Because it doesn't matter where the machine removes the cells from, you may wish to rotate the finger you use every day to allow for the normal body healing processes to occur on the other digits.

WHAT IF I'M INFECTED?

Due to heightened fears of terrorism, recent communications from the DHS and FBI indicate the only way to prevent "rogue" viruses from spreading is to immediately quarantine anyone who has had contact with the computer at which the virus is detected.

To that end, the devices installed in our workplace will be wired into the security system and will send notice to dispatchers who will take appropriate measures -- such as replacing the infected computer with an iMac (see below) -- to ensure the safety of all employees.

Obviously minimizing contact with the infected individual is critical upon discovery.

ARE THERE ANY OTHER WAYS TO PROTECT MYSELF?

As is the case with most computer viruses, users of the Apple Macintosh line of computers as well as Linux based computers are SAFE from infection.

FINAL NOTE

You've heard me say this many times before: PLEASE don't open strange or unexpected attachments you might receive through e-mail.

At home, be sure to protect your Windows based computer with a good anti-virus scanner, a hardware firewall and one or more spyware detection programs. In addition, keep your computer up to date with the latest critical updates by running Microsoft's Windows Update and please, please, please run a safe browser such as Mozilla Firefox instead of Internet Explorer.

Being extra cautious is the surest way to prevent your computer from becoming infected with any computer virus, worm or spyware.

Lastly, with the exception of the paragraphs in this Final Note, please be cautious of everything you read on the Internet. Someone might just be pulling your leg - April Fool!

Through the Desktop-glass

2005-03-29T09:00:00.000-06:00

I first caught a glimpse of a new fad for folks-who-have-too-much-time-on-their-hands called "transparent desktops" the other week and thought it was pretty cool.

Check this out:

No, that's not a hole in the screen. This person took a digital picture of their workspace, set it as their desktop wallpaper on their computer and lined everything up just right so it would appear to be a "transparent" computer screen.

How cool is that? Now, if you want to see some real clever applications of this technique, bop on over to this site and check out some of the more extreme "transparent desktops."

Then, if you're like me, you'll be itching to give it a try yourself!

NOTE: Updated April 7th to point to a different photo site. The original site referenced (http://files.macbidouille.com/transparent/index.html) now seems to be down.

Read The Guidelines

2005-03-25T09:00:00.000-06:00

It's amazing how many people who aspire to be published writers forget the most important thing to do before sending their work in to a publication:

Read the Submission Guidelines!

Below are some of the most common errors in submission I see -- and I'm small press. I can't imagine what the "big guys" have come across their desk every day. While I do end up reading most improperly sent submissions, it's become easier for me to weed through the stacks and make the difficult decision to reject someone's work when the guidelines are not followed.

Read on to learn how to avoid getting your work rejected as well....

Send your work to the correct address

No matter where you're submitting, if you don't take the time to read the guidelines for submission, you will often be on the receiving end of ... silence. Failure to send your work to the proper e-mail address will not get your work into the hands of the person you most want to see it. Often, improperly addressed work will go straight to the trash (spambox) or, at the very least, remain unread for months until someone eventually gets around to reading the mail in the postmaster or webmaster accounts.

Remember that postmaster and webmaster accounts are "catch all" accounts and sometimes the best way to deal with all the junk that accumulates in them is to Select All and Delete. Be forewarned!

The result? Reject.

Include your basic contact information

When you do send your work to the correct address, please be sure to include your name and contact information as well as a valid subject line if submitting via e-mail. I'm stunned when I get a submission and the person doesn't have the foresight to include their name or address. All I'm left with is an e-mail address and the prospect of addressing my reply to "Dear ... ummm ... Dude"

I realize that not every small press has release forms, but ESC! Magazine does and if you don't include your basic contact information, then I can't fill out the form if I want to accept your work.

The result? Reject.

Submit work appropriate to the publication

Don't send me porn. Don't send me children's poetry or short stories. Don't send me fan fiction.

It seems a lot of people are content to submit blindly to a publication without having any idea what the magazine is all about.

In the case of ESC!, all of our recent issues are available for download from the web site in Adobe Acrobat (PDF) format. Before submitting, read them.

In other words, by reading the guidelines and the magazine, not only can you enjoy the works of those who came before you, but you can target your submissions appropriately. Submitting within the genres the magazine is looking for is critical if you hope to have your work accepted.

The result? Reject.

Submit in the formats requested

If a publication asks for submissions in Microsoft Word or OpenOffice.org formats, then don't submit in WordPerfect or Microsoft Works ... or Timmy's Super WordProcessor.

I accept a much broader range of formats than most, but then I've got years of IT experience which have given me the technical know-how to convert from foreign formats to one I can use. You can bet, however, that most small publications don't have this capability.

Oh, and while on this topic, please be sure to submit "clean" files. If you use Windows and submit to publications in Microsoft Word format, you better be running a high quality virus scanner (see this or this) and keep it up to date because I don't want to deal with any infections your computer might have.

The result? Reject.

Your work should be typed

Don't hand write your submissions.

'Nuf said?

The result? Reject.

Proofread your submission

I won't hold someone accountable for an errant comma or misused colon, or even the occasional (occasional - a word I spell incorrectly every time by the way) spelling error, but I do wish folks would take just a few moments and proofread their story for spelling errors, misplaced or misused apostrophes and capitalization errors. I get submissions chock-full of them and I don't think it's anything but simple laziness. I can't name a modern word processor that doesn't underline or otherwise mark spelling errors in real time these days. (Okay, now someone is going to call me on something I spelled wrong in this entry and rub my face in it. That's okay, I can take it....)

If you want me to accept your work, remember that for every misspelled word you have in your story, someone needs to fix it -- and that someone is me (see one-man show).

The result? Reject.

Just something to think about...

It won't result in outright rejection, but it sure would be nice if you could form complete sentences when composing your e-mailed submission's "cover letter." Maybe even follow the basic rules for writing a simple personal correspondence letter? Having a computer with the means to communicate in an instant doesn't mean the rules go out the window! I mean, after all, if you can't compose a simple letter, then what can I expect when I read your short story?

If you have questions ... ask!

If you do read the guidelines and still have questions, don't be afraid to ask. Guessing what the publication might be looking for or what a policy might mean is worse than taking some time to send an exploratory e-mail.

I am open to all discussions about ESC! Magazine's guidelines and have in the past made changes to the way I operate thanks to the input of contributors. Sometimes suggestions will work and sometimes they won't, but you'll never know if you don't ask first.

ESC! Magazine's guidelines can be found in a number of places but our main link is http://www.escmagazine.com/guidelines.asp From there you can download copies of our guidelines and release forms in PDF format or just read them online. You'll also find a release schedule for the next few issues, submission deadlines and the status of acceptance for each upcoming issue.

I suspect most of you reading this don't do any of the things I've mentioned above and that's either because you're a more experienced writer and contributor or because you take the time to make sure you've crossed all your t's before clicking send. The items in my list are things that are most important to me. You may have some of your own pointers or stories to share and I encourage you to leave a comment below.

If you find you've committed any of the "submission sins" I've listed above, don't worry, I won't tell. You may not hear from me ... but I won't tell. ESC! Magazine was founded as a literary magazine for new and aspiring writers -- those who are just starting out and need a little help getting their first publishing credit. If by writing this I can help just one short story get a better chance when crossing some editor's desk because the author took the time and followed the submission guidelines, then I will have done my job.

How Many Do You Own?

2005-03-23T09:00:00.000-06:00

So how many of the "Top 100 Gadgets of All Time" do YOU own (or have you owned)?

Check out Mobile PC Magazine's article here:
http://www.mobilepcmag.com/features/2005_03/top100gadgets.html

One-Man Show

2005-03-21T09:00:00.000-06:00

I was asked again recently whether ESC! Magazine is a "one-man show" or if I have a staff of folks to help produce each issue. This is a common question I get and I thought I should share the answer with the legions of fans clamoring for the answer – all three of you.

ESC! is pretty much a one-man show. I have some folks who will occasionally read for me and some who help with layout issues I might come across from time to time, but, otherwise, it's just me, which, I suppose, is the main reason why the website design hasn't been updated yet – though this is in the works ... Really. No, really, it is!

It's my hope that ESC! Magazine doesn't come off as some cheaply produced rag or, as I commonly refer to them, the "stapled in the corner, photocopied 'zines' found at Tower Records." Though ESC! could certainly fit in the category of "zine," I take great pains to avoid that term unless absolutely necessary. Some have referred to it as a "journal" and that's a good way to describe it, though since 1992 I've consistently referred to it as a magazine, so I should stick with that for now.

As you might surmise, ESC! is a labor of love and not of profit ... or even a labor of "break even." In terms of stability and longevity, however, breaking even is ESC! Magazine's goal. As long as I can cover costs, I can keep producing the magazine. I discuss this very topic in my last editorial. If you haven't read it, you should download the issue and experience it firsthand, but to summarize: No one is purchasing the magazine. Issues are being downloaded – more issues than ever – but no one wants to pay for them. As I discovered in a brief but ill-fated experiment back in 2003, if I require payment before download, no one downloads it, therefore our wonderful writers and artists are not read. It's a tough situation, especially when postage and web hosting alone quickly consume the resources of our little production.

Just today, I came across a web site for a small press magazine named "Quanta." Quanta is a magazine that, according to their website, went on hiatus back in 1995 and, as of today, is still on hiatus. In a similar situation, ESC! Magazine went on hiatus in early 1994 but I was fortunate enough to be able to breath life back into it in 2001. In each case, though, the reasons for the break were time and money. From what I've seen of Quanta, Daniel did a fantastic job with it and it's unfortunate the magazine is still "resting," but if you visit the site you'll see that in 1995 he was fighting the same issues I am now. How do you get people to pay for something you're letting them freely download?

I'm still struggling with the answer to that question. If you have any ideas, please feel free to share them with me by leaving a comment below.

Being a one-man show, ESC! Magazine is a lot of work for me and, while I don't have a staff, I do have support from those around me and that is, after all, what counts the most.

On Creating the Cover

2005-03-17T09:00:00.000-06:00

So here we are just about one month before the next issue of ESC! Magazine hits the net and I've already got the cover! I know! I know! Amazing isn't it? Most of the time I'm scrambling the week before the issue is due to find something appropriate, but somehow the fates have stepped in and brought a cover image to me.

The artist, Claudio Parentela, is an illustrator and cartoonist from Italy who is very active in the underground scene of zines and comics. His works have appeared in such diverse publications as BGA Comix, Kerosene, Krimson Leer, Phony Lid Publications, Topaz, Entmoot and Pssst zine as well as many others.

I look forward to sharing his work with the readers of ESC! and invite you to check out his other works at http://www.artbabyart.com/parentela.htm. In addition, I've found an interview with Claudio at the Lummox Press/Journal.

Firefox Support Broadens: Merriam-Webster Tools Released

2005-03-07T09:00:00.000-06:00

After just a short time in general availability, support for Mozilla Firefox got a wonderful shot in the arm recently with the release of Merriam-Webster's collection of Firefox Tools.

This new set of tools consists of a Search Box Plug-in, a Right-Click Search tool, a new Sidebar, a Lookup Button and a new Toolbar. Of these, my favorites are the Search Box Plug-in and the Right-Click Search tool.

Before the release of these nifty little add-ons for Firefox, I was able to search the Merriam-Webster dictionary through the Search Box by using a third party tool, but the official tools go one step further by allowing not only a standard Dictionary search, but a Thesaurus search as well! Now whenever I want to look up a word, I simply type it into the box, select the appropriate M-W Search Box item and hit enter. Very slick.

In addition, I'm quite fond of the Right-Click search tool. Instead of needing to copy and paste a word from the web page I'm viewing to the Search Box, I can now right-click the word and choose "Merriam-Webster Dictionary Search for...." As with the other tools, a right-click Thesaurus search is also available. Be sure to read the installation instructions on this one though. Merriam-Webster is using a third party Firefox extension called DictionarySearch and its default dictionary is Dictionary.com. This is just fine of course, but if your goal is to use the M-W tools, be sure to read the instructions all the way through or all your searching will be done on the other site.

I also tried the Sidebar and like it, but I always look at these things from the end-user perspective and I find the execution of the sidebar to be a bit clunky. I'll look forward to future releases that might improve on this or make it a full on extension instead of just a bookmark that opens in the sidebar.

I have not installed the Toolbar or Lookup Button as neither of these appeal to me since I have all the other tools installed. If you are inclined to toolbars, by all means give them a whirl and let me know how they worked for you!

As writers, I'm sure you'll soon find the combination of these tools and the Mozilla Firefox web browser as indispensable as I do.

Still need to get Firefox? Click here to get your copy today!

Taking the Plunge With InDesign

2005-02-25T09:01:00.000-06:00

I've been using Adobe PageMaker for creating documents since before the debut of ESC! Magazine in 1992. With this upcoming issue of ESC! Magazine, however, I will dive eyes closed and headfirst into the shallow end of the pool and produce the entire issue of ESC! in Adobe InDesign CS.

A Little History (whether you like it or not)

Hailed as the revolutionary product that brought pro-level publishing abilities to the masses when introduced as Aldus PageMaker in the mid-80's on the Macintosh platform, PageMaker has endured as the "industry standard" application for professionals for two decades.

Unfortunately for Adobe (who purchased the Aldus line in the 90's), a newcomer on the scene showed up in their rear view mirror in the guise of Quark desktop publisher. Without getting into Quark's rapid ascension in the publishing industry due to its advanced typographical and layout features, suffice it to say that Adobe had its work cut out for it to convince its customers from jumping ship to this seemingly more capable and extensible layout application.

A funny thing happened to PageMaker on the way to the ball, however. Upon adding all the new features and capabilities that would make it the reigning champ once again, Adobe figured enough had been changed in the application to rename it and release it as the new "Quark killer." So what was to become PageMaker version 8, became known as InDesign.

As a user of PageMaker I was quite upset at the notion of being being forced to "crossgrade" to a new product simply because Adobe's marketing department felt that it would be easier to promote a "totally new" product in lieu of shoring up and promoting a well-known and loved application. To their credit, however, Adobe made it cost effective for its client base to accomplish this -- the notion being, of course, that once you've tried it, you wouldn't go back. And to drive the nail into the coffin, Adobe decided to take its former flagship layout proggie and christen it a "business application." Ouch!

Unfortunately for Adobe and my wallet, I tried InDesign and ... didn't like it.

For one, InDesign insisted on using frames to hold the content I wanted to layout. This is a very Quark-like feature and a feature that caused me to abandon Ventura Publisher many years ago in deference to PageMaker.

Second, while I could see InDesign's origins in PageMaker, things ... just ... worked ... differently. I can't explain it other than to say I found it difficult to pick up the program and continue where PageMaker left off. So more often than not my forays into InDesign ended more abruptly than intended with long gaps between my efforts.

This inconsistency to the way I wanted to work (as opposed to the way Adobe wanted me to work) remained ... umm ... consistent throughout the second revision of InDesign. And so while the software may have been installed, it remained unused in the bit bucket of my hard drive.

Apparently I wasn't the only one having these difficulties because, no matter what they tried, Adobe was having a difficult time getting its user base to fall in line. I was relieved, then, to see Adobe create a series of plug-ins for its CS version of InDesign named, appropriately, the "PageMaker Plug-in Pack."

With the release of the Plug-in Pack, Adobe made it easier for us loyal users to transition over to their new program while at the same time getting us introduced to all the "wow" features InDesign had to offer.

So how is it? Well, for the most part I like it quite a lot with these new extensions enabled. Some things I can do without -- and those are the same things I could do without in PageMaker such as the Template Browser, but overall it's a nice addition to InDesign.

What I'd really like to see in Adobe's InDesign (and I've heard agreement from other users) is a PageMaker-like text layout functionality. Sure, frames have their purpose, but those of us raised on the PageMaker method of doing things find it extremely frustrating and time consuming to mess around with frames which fail to work according to our long ingrained ways of doing things.

With the option of using frames, laying text out on a path or using a PageMaker text layout tool, InDesign could truly become the Quark killer Adobe intended it to be from the start.

Here's hoping for version 4!

Oh, and should my declared march to InDesigndom end in unmitigated disaster, I still have PageMaker to fall back on.

And so the cycle continues....

The Cornered Booth

2005-02-21T09:01:00.000-06:00

The particular Subway I go to once a week has one thing that many others do not -- a blessing of space. One of the reasons I like this one so much is that there is an entire second floor dedicated to seating. What this gives the customer is room to sit down, breath and relax for an hour or so instead of rushing through your meal while those in line stand above you wondering what kind of sub you got and whether they should get one too.

I'll often head over there around 1:15pm to miss the lunch crowd, grab a corner booth and sit down with my lunch and a magazine (or book) and read for an hour before grabbing my "refill" and heading back to the office. It's a nice diversion from the day.

One day last week I followed all my usual rituals including snagging the corner booth. I'd say there were no more than three others up on the second floor -- most folks missing the sign pointing the way to the stairs in the back of the restaurant, instead opting for the seating on the first floor. Of those three, we were nicely spread out among the 16 or so tables and booths.

That is, until SHE walked in...

Yes, though there were many other tables and booths still open which afforded her the opportunity to maintain this nice friendly dining space, this woman opted to plop herself down at the table running perpendicular to the booth I was sitting in. Her new choice of seating being no more than 4 feet from me or so, she chose to sit down on the side facing me. So with me in the corner, she was staring right at the side of my head -- or so I felt. Obviously she wanted nothing to do with me or my lunch but none-the-less I felt her oh-way-too-close presence burning a hole in my side.

At this point I still had some lunch left so I soldiered on and read my magazine as if nothing was amiss.

That is, until HE walked in...

Sure enough, here comes a dude with his freshly made sub and he opts to sit in the booth in front of me. And (you know this is coming) he sits on the opposite side of HIS booth, so that now I've got TWO people facing me all within 4 feet of my previously tranquil corner. (It's a little like when I'm on the Metra going to work and of all the seats available in the empty train car, someone has to sit rightnext to me.)

Needless to say, that was the end of lunch. Being done with my sandwich, I simply got up and took off.

One of the amazing things about the human race is our diversity and uniqueness bound by our similar outward appearances.

No doubt I hail from a long line of nomadic tribesmen where you had to learn to survive on your own and be at peace with your aloneness in the world while my two new "dining companion's" lineage traces back to the caves of upper Mongolia where closeness meant warmth -- which ultimately meant their survival.

Or maybe their sense of personal space is just a bit off...

Microsoft to Mozilla Firefox: FUD You!

2005-02-18T09:00:00.000-06:00

You know Mozilla Firefox is making a serious dent in Microsoft's armor when the Redmond giant rolls out a product announcement for something that hasn't even entered the Beta stage of development yet.

Yes, this week Microsoft announced Internet Explorer 7 for Windows XP SP2.

Or, rather, they announced they are working on IE7 with a public beta due ... oh ... sometime around June. The really funny thing is that Microsoft is quoted in the above linked C|Net article as saying that "Microsoft has not determined how or when the final version of IE 7 will ship, but that it is planned ahead of Longhorn." Okay, Longhorn, for those who don't know, is the codename for the bloated software company's next version of Windows due in ~~2004~~ ~~2005~~ 2006.

You see, Microsoft is so badly feeling the pressure of Firefox's 25 MILLION downloads since it's release 100 days ago, that they feel an announcement regarding a product not ready for primetime is worthy of a press release. For the first time since BW I (that's Browser War I, btw), Microsoft's browser market share has dropped below 90%. This is due not only to the phoenix-like rise of their old nemesis Firefox (Netscape begat Mozilla begat Mozilla Firefox), but also due to the collective awakening of the computing public to other platforms such as Linux and Apple's stellar OSX and the Mac mini.

So, okay, let's give them some credit by saying that it's nice to see some of the improvements they are planning to make to their long-in-the-tooth browser but it's a case of too little too late. I already have all of the features they're touting for IE7 (and more) ... in Firefox. AND, unlike IE7, I can download Firefox for Windows 98, ME, 2000, XP and 2003 as well as for Max OSX and Linux! IE7 is limited to only those who are using Windows XP SP2 (2003 Server?).

Firefox is a very small download, it's secure and it has the features needed to make the browsing experience pleasant again.

If you're still using Internet Explorer on Windows do yourself a favor and download Firefox TODAY!

Old and ...

2005-02-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

... Decrepit

Here I am about one week out from my 38th birthday and I'm a wreck.

About two weeks ago I leaned across the seat of my car to slide back the passenger seat. It was pushed forward because I was toolin' my daughter around in the Papamobile instead of her usual chariot. Anyway, about half-way through pushing back the seat (yes, I SHOULD have gotten out of the car, moved around to the other side and moved it back like a normal person ... but I didn't. Okay?) I heard a “pop” and my side started ... hurting. Really bad.

It didn't feel like anything was, um, out of place (read: “snapped in two”), but it sure felt like something had gone wrong. Because I had just attended a presentation at the local library where we were told that a parrot can exert 40+ pounds of pressure with its beak but it only takes 7 pounds of pressure to snap a finger, I immediately thought “cracked rib.” I was, after all, leaning on the arm rest and putting quite a lot of pressure on my side in my futile effort to “slide” the seat back. It COULD have been more than 7 pounds of pressure. “How much does it take to crack a rib?” was what I wanted to know. My inner dialog through wincing pain notwithstanding, my train was about 5 minutes out and I needed to get on it, so I wrote it off as a pulled muscle and headed for work.

ASIDE: No doubt Mr. Sub Conscious has something to do with this sort of thing happening as I get older because last year (about a week out from my birthday) I slammed my finger in the car door as I was ... moving the booster seat from my car to the other. It took six months for my nail to grow back. The plus side was that if I ever needed someone to leave my office because they were wearing out their welcome discussing everything BUT what they came in for, all I had to do was whip out the ol' mangled finger nail and I could get right back to work. Fortuitously, the smashed nail was also located on THAT finger. Yes, the “middle” one. Thank goodness I never needed to use it in that way, but can you imagine the power of the dreaded “double-whammy” finger? I could have lay a swath of rudeness and “fainting” spells (as the ultra conservative right is prone to do at the slightest whiff of “moral” impropriety – though often left immune to hypocrisy) throughout the US a mile wide with that jobber.

Aside's Aside:Hey! Maybe I can smash my finger again in 2008 and run for president on the “finger” platform. All I'd have to do is wave it around at my campaign stops – the opposition would be SO offended and shocked at the notion of my waving a severely mangled, disgusting looking “rude gesture” on national television, they'd faint with such conviction, they might sleep through the November election!

So, here I was at work getting all sorts of great advice from co-workers and through instant messaging such as “Go see a doctor!” Okay, obviously you guys don't know me very well if you're making THAT ridiculous notion! Another good friend said that it might merely (MERELY!) be “separated.” I'm not sure what that means, but it also doesn't sound very ... good. Considering all the advice and heeding my own of “well, nothing FEELS out of place,” I decided to wait and see what happens.

Okay, if you've stuck with me this far, it gets shorter after this ... I promise.

So the subsequent week went about as one might expect. Terrible wincing pain upon ... well, MOST movement and, of course, most people needed me to actually get off my lazy butt and wander over to their desk to solve their tech problem dujour so I really wasn't able to give my side the rest I had hoped.

When the weekend finally and excruciatingly came (last weekend – Super Bowl weekend) my daughter and I were pretty booked up. On Sunday we went off to Brookfield Zoo to help celebrate Carver the Wombat's birthday. He is, apparently, the oldest living wombat in captivity. Being one who is partial to the little marsupials, I was more than happy to venture out on a partially rainy day to see the old guy. While holding my daughter up so she could see over the throngs of well-wishers (I kid you not, there were throngs....) I could feel (imagine?) things shifting around in my rib cage. A very disconcerting feeling I might add. Truth is, I think it was my imagination or simply “normal” shifting around of the joints because I came out of it with little extra pain – until the cold started.

Yes, of course I would get a cold because nothing feels better on the ol' internal organ shield than a big ... honkin ... SNEEZE. Yep. Each one was a new experience in pain. This new-found problem caused me to start bending in new and unusual ways to avoid the pain while minimizing the expellation of bodily fluids – sneeze stuff.

So already I'm quite the wreck, but these efforts to contain my sneezes in the least painful manner brought on ... back problems. You see, I have “issues” with my back. Over the past four years or so, she (she? why not...) and I have had the understanding that if she doesn't “go out” on me, then I will act in the most respectful and least damaging manner possible to ensure her minimal discomfort. In other words, no insane athletic activity that involves lifting massive amounts of weight or being hit such a manner as to upset the back. In other words, my normal sedentary activities.

And that brings us to today. I feel awful. The cold is in full swing, my back is twinging at the slightest provocation and my rib cage still feels like someone balled up their fist and punched me as hard as they could right in the ribs (but three days ago instead of 10 minutes ago – so improvement!) I have, however, developed a means of coughing that allows me to do so in a way that doesn't actually hurt but it's a little strange. When I feel one coming on, I'll bend over with my hands on the knees like an underutilized right-fielder (“Hey, batter, batter, batter! Sa-wing batter!”) and cough until the tickle is gone. While it's fine for me and just a little strange for those around me, it seems to freak out our two feline friends. Not more than 10 minutes ago I swear Preki (the cat, not the soccer player) ran out of the room yelling, “Mike Cat is going to hack the biggest hairball in history! Get him off the carpeting and onto the wood floor! Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!” Or something like that.

So to summarize:

My side is killing me, I'm sick as a dog ... err, cat, and if I'm not extra careful until this cold goes away I could be looking at months of “back issues.”

Ah, it's great to get older isn't it?

I'm going to bed....

ASIDE: I'm a very private person. I have a few personal pictures up at work, but unless you're a close friend, you're not going to get a lot of details about my weekends or “how I'm doing.” Very likely, if you were a co-worker and asked how my weekend was, you'd get a very polite but short answer of “It was fine” rapidly segueing into “How was yours?” in an effort to quickly deflect the conversation onto the inquisitor. It works, though sometimes I wish I had the mangled finger tip back to cut them off when their weekend turns into a month. In that same light, I don't go around broadcasting when my birthday is. I'm not holding back on celebrating because of any “fear” of getting older – it makes a good joke (see above) but that's it – rather, I simply feel it's a personal matter for my family and close friends.

While this blog is one of my efforts to be more open to the readers of ESC! Magazine, I ask that if you see me in person on or near my birthday (and a few of you do) and you happen to actually KNOW it's my birthday, please don't make a big deal of it because, while I don't mind that YOU know it's my birthday, I don't need everyone ELSE knowing – unless you're planning to buy me an iPod. For a 40gig iPod I'll wear a clown hat and do a Riverdance on the file cabinets outside the boss's office.

Don't believe me?

Try me....

It IS a small world after all

2005-01-30T09:00:00.000-06:00

I got an e-mail from a past contributor this weekend who was having trouble corresponding with a small press chapbook publisher. It seems back in December a check for half the cost of publishing his chapbook was sent off to the publisher with the understanding that production would begin shortly after receiving it. Apparently final payment was due before delivery.

The problem came when “Darrin” wanted to follow up on the progress of his work. After numerous e-mails to the publisher with no reply, he decided to write to me to see if I had any thoughts about how to approach the situation. Specifically he wondered if he was ever going to see his money again. A fair concern, even though at this point the check had not yet been cashed.

Being small press myself, and not having a financial interest in the situation, I took the side of the small publisher offering a number of scenarios that could have come into play.

Playing “devil's advocate” I explained to Darrin that operating a small press is unlike larger publishers in that should something happen to the owner of the press; car accident, prolonged illness or even ... death, in all likelihood you will not get your piece published any time soon ... if ever. At the very least it would slow things up considerably. After all, unless you believe in the afterlife and the whole business about spirits needed to complete unfinished business before retreating through the great white tunnel, it's just not gonna happen.

But “give 'em a break” was my advice. Three months minimum regardless of what they say in their guidelines. It's amazing how time flies. I would venture to guess that most small presses are "hobbies" ... meaning, they're not the primary source of income for the person putting it all together. If it's like ESC!, well, I'm IT baby ... the whole enchilada. I list a few names in the masthead because they're people who will read for me when I need an honest and objective opinion or provide quick layout help but, as for real help? Don't have it. As for income, I'm waaaaaay in the hole with ESC! as you no doubt know from reading my last editorial (ESC! Magazine, V8N2).

In other words, I said, don't get mad at someone who's doing something more as a labor of love than for money.

Seeing that only four weeks or so had passed since the check was mailed I said, “Darrin, you need to give it a bit more time in case the check hasn't been received yet. Try to follow up with other authors he's published to see if they've had similar experiences. Find out the procedure for canceling your check should your worst fears become reality.” Keep in mind that I was shooting from the hip when I wrote that. I don't know this publisher and it HAD only been about four weeks since the check was sent so I advised ... give it some more time.

It was a Saturday and I had a few minutes and thought I'd look up the publisher myself because the name seemed vaguely familiar. After a quick Google search, I found the homepage and checked out some of the other titles he'd published.

Browse. Browse. Browse.... Hey! Bingo!

It turns out a couple of the chapbooks published by this small press were by ANOTHER contributor to ESC! Magazine! In an odd twist of fortune, “William”, the other writer, and I had been trading e-mails just that morning, so I fired off a quick question as part of my reply to another issue: “What's up with this place? Is this normal?”

Within minutes I had the answer -- and validation for my reluctance to hang the guy without knowing the full story. It seems there HAD been an accident in his family recently and, additionally, his second child had just been born! Good gracious but anyone would fall behind in that situation! Not only that, William personally knew the publisher and was willing to promise on his behalf that the chapbook would get published!

Without passing along all the details, I immediately forwarded the reply to Darrin who had, during the time this was happening – all of 15 minutes or so, already gotten a reply and explanation from the publisher himself! Now everybody was happy and I was left amazed that, though none of us had ever met face to face, in a matter of an hour or so, we were able to find an answer to Darrin's problem, verify the reputation of the small press publisher and, most amazingly, I was the conduit for this to happen. It was, after all, through Darrin and William's association with ESC! ... with me ... that we were able to resolve the issue for Darrin as quickly as we did.

That sounds a little “pat-on-the-backish” but when I brought ESC! Magazine to the Internet back in 2000, that is what I envisioned happening. I want our website to be a place where writers can congregate (in the forums) and share information about small press publishers and magazines they like (or to be wary of), their experiences as writers and the struggles they face as well as anything else they'd like to discuss.

ESC! Magazine is for all writers but most of all, the aspiring writer. One who, with feedback, can discover that, yes, his writing can “move someone to an emotional response ... how satisfying that feeling is ... to be able to communicate in such a way that elicits an emotional response from the reader.” That's a direct quote from another contributor. One who, since last Summer, has found great solace in his writing. One who first found his voice in ESC!

That is what ESC! Magazine is all about.

Updates?

2005-01-22T09:00:00.000-06:00

Blogging is handled so differently by those who do it. Some use it to keep a daily journal of their thoughts and experiences, some post random silly things they find or hear about in their daily travels and some use it as a news outlet.

I guess the ESC! Magazine Blogitorials are a little of all those things. You will find personal entries from time to time, you will find news items I think might be of interest to others and you'll find experiences from my life that seem -- at the time anyway -- relevant to ESC! Magazine or to the writing life.

You just won't find entries every day.

Sorry....

If you like to keep up on all things ESC! but don't have the time to check our blog webpage all the time, be sure to add our ESC! Atom Site Feed link at the right to your favorite RSS/Feed reader (I prefer Mozilla Thunderbird or Mozilla Firefox) and let the software inform you when I've posted a new entry!

Reflections on Dr. King

2005-01-17T09:00:00.000-06:00

I received a short e-mail from my Dad today and, with his permission, I'd like to share it with you:

Hi everyone,

It seems only right to take a few minutes to reflect on Dr. Martin Luther King on his birthday, especially since it is a day off for me.

As a child, I attended a little Baptist church on the South Side of Chicago. In the late 1950s, our church youth group was invited to attend a service at the Woodlawn Baptist Church, a few miles away, where Rev. King was to preach. At that time, Martin Luther King was a national civil rights leader, but not yet an international icon. (That came after his 1959 month-long visit with Indian Prime Minister Nehru and many of Gandhi's followers and his 1963 March on Washington.) The young people of the (Black) Woodlawn Baptist Church and my (white) church were seated together in the front pews. Reverend King addressed the congregation, not in the ringing tones of his "I Have a Dream" speech, nor in the rousing "call and response" style, but in a quiet, yet powerful voice full of deep conviction. He often focused his warm, kind eyes on the racially mixed group of young people close to him when he spoke of brotherhood, peace, love, and hope for the future. I may have been thirteen of fourteen at the time, but I will never forget those eyes and that voice.

If Martin Luther King had lived, would his dream have come true? It's hard to say; sometimes people become larger in death than they were in life. Still, many people credit the world-wide reaction to King's March on Washington and "I Have a Dream" speech with passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the signing of which he attended. Things are far from perfect today, but racial segregation is no longer the law in the United States.

Dr. King was a Baptist minister. Like many other civil rights leaders, he used his pulpit to provide social, as well as spiritual guidance. He believed that we should live our values: Thou shalt not kill; Thou shalt not steal; Thou shalt not bear false witness, etc... Some say he was idealistic, a dreamer. Perhaps, but to reach a goal, we must first visualize it. King's vision went beyond race, to encompass a world of peace and justice. King's widow, Coretta Scott King, is quoted in an Associated Press article Sunday as saying, "Non-violence would work today, it would work 2,000 years from now, it would work 5,000 years from now."

Don't Throw That Old PC Away!

2005-01-14T09:00:00.000-06:00

Most folks don't give a second thought to dumping their old TVs, small electronics and computer equipment in the trash.

They should.

Old equipment like monitors and computers contain heavy metals such as lead, mercury and arsenic in them which, when thrown away, leech into the ground water poisoning us in the process.

Fortunately many states (like Illinois) have developed laws outlawing the dumping of CRTs and other electronics containing toxic substances but they haven't done anything to make it EASY for us to be responsible cititzens. At work I have piles of old electronic equipment (some still good) which I can't dispose of because there's simply no easy way to do so.

Last week I read about a new effort spearheaded by eBay that puts all the information needed to dispose of your equipment in one, easy-to-access site -- the Rethink Initiative.

Here is a description of the site in their own words:

"The Rethink Initiative brings together industry, government and environmental organizations to offer a fresh perspective and new answers to the challenge of e-waste.

"On this site you can find information, tools and solutions that make it easy – and even profitable – to find new users for idle computers and electronics, and responsibly recycle unwanted products."

Using this site, I can easily locate companies in my area that can help dispose of my broken equipment as well as use tools to perhaps make a little money selling the still usable stuff.

If you would like to learn more about their efforts, please visit:
http://pages.ebay.com/rethink/index.html

Ordered the Mac mini!

2005-01-13T09:00:00.000-06:00

My daughter's computer is an old PowerMac 7600.

This was just fine for her basic educational software up until I finally drew a network cable to her room to get the computer on the Internet this last weekend. Not that her trusty old Mac doesn't hook up to the Internet just fine ... it does. Rather, once we got it online, I had the hardest time finding a modern web browser for OS9! You know, something that could handle Flash and all of the new HTML standards being used on sites these days.

I was able to download Opera for it, but gosh darn if it wasn't so slooooow on that old computer. Especially when a Flash site such as Barbie.com or Disney.com was up. Dang near dragged that computer to its knees! I can't really blame Opera though. It's a great browser and I'd recommend it to anyone -- it's just an old computer.

Unfortunately there's no development of Mozilla or Firefox for OS9 -- only OSX. And Apple never developed Safari for OS9 that I know of, so that left me with one other option:

I gritted my teeth and downloaded IE 5.1 for the Mac. Yes, I know, in light of my recent rant, perhaps I shouldn't do that, but you should know that any product developed by Microsoft for the Mac is completely different than the similarly named product for the PC. It's two different development teams! This means you'll often find kick-ass features in the Mac versions you'd never find on Windows ... but I digress.

Anyway, that was working okay ... though still not overly fast.

In the mean time, Apple and Steve Jobs were getting ready to announce new products at MacWorld 2005 and it had been rumoured for a couple weeks that they were going to introduce a new, headless, Mac for $500. This was something that would be perfect for my daughter as the PowerMac is already headless (this means without a monitor, btw). So I could use the existing display and get her a new box for about $500! It's hard to buy a good USED Mac for that money that wouldn't be obsolete the day I get it, and a new one would be OSX capable as well. A new Mac would be powerful enough to last her a few years. As hard as it was to watch her slow screen, I had to wait and see what came out of Apple on Tuesday. (1/11)

All day at work I monitored the news sites to see what was being announced. iPod Shuffle? Great but not what I was after. OSX Tiger? Okay, knew about that already! This and that and the other thing until ... MAC Mini! Cool.

I spent a lot of time looking over the specs and comparing them to the eMac (their next lowest priced computer) and realized that the Mac mini really couldn't be beat! In my estimation what Apple did here was take the guts of the old "desk lamp" iMac of 2003 and slapped it in another box. But, still, what you end up with is a pretty powerful desktop computer that is 2" high and only 6.5" inches on a side. Pretty incredible.

After negotiating with my wife and checking to see if we really could budget it, I took the plunge and ordered one Tuesday night. Yes, we will need to save here and there to pay for it, but once our daughter has it, the benefits to her will pay for the machine with no problem. Being homeschooled, our daughter needs a good computer that won't turn her off because it's too slow. She needs a computer that will run the latest software. And having a computer that can occassionaly entertain her when the evening comes is a plus as well.

To tie in with my previous rant, my daughter needs a computer not prone to the latest viruses and worms plaguing the Windows world every day ... My daughter needs a Mac.

Buttons, Bumperstickers, Mugs, OH MY!

2005-01-07T09:00:00.000-06:00

Wow, I'm pretty amazed at how well the buttons and bumper stickers are selling on my CafePress "ESC! Fun Stuff" page.

The phrase came from a phone conversation I had with my Dad shortly after the election in which he said "Cheer up, tomorrow is another day." And I replied, "Yeah, closer to the next election."

BAM! I had my slogan.

With a little guidance from my long time friend (and ESC! Contributor) Paul Tucker, I was able to come up with a design I was happy with and wanted to make a button out of. This was back in November.

Shortly after going online, I made my first sale November 17th. I was thrilled, of course, that someone actually wanted one of these, but what I found most fulfilling was that there were others who felt my sentiment resonated with them.

Since then I've sold a few buttons but mostly bumper stickers -- which is the biggest surprise to me. I guess folks want the largest audience possible to share their disgust with the way things turned out last November.

Figgy FUDding

2005-01-05T09:00:00.000-06:00

FUD

Fear ... Uncertainty ... Doubt

When reading interviews with Microsoft officials beware the FUD. Much like this country's administration, Microsoft loves to smear the competition while playing up their own, inferior products.

What got my ire up this week, is an interview with Bill Gates about the state of Microsoft, the industry, competition, etc.

What amazed me most is the way Gates danced around every issue, making sure to plug a product when he had no other answer.

Here are some lowlights (speckled with my own comments) of the C|Net News.com article which can, in its entirety, be found here.

CNET: One of the big phenomena of the year has been blogging. Has the growth surprised you?
BG: "Now, with blogs, you always have to be careful. The decay rate of 'I started and I stopped' or 'I started and nobody visited' is fairly high"

Comment: Yes, that's because Microsoft doesn't have any blogging products. Just wait until they release some of the stuff he talks about. It won't matter if the drop off rate is 100%, it will still be the best thing invented since the wheel - according to Microsoft that is.

RE Online Music:
BG: "Apple is doing things the way Apple does--where it's the Apple hardware and the Apple store, that's great for them. We're doing it the Windows way, where you've got things like this Creative Zen Micro, which sold out this holiday season."

Comment: Right. Apparently Gates is not aware that iTunes is available for Windows? So now I'm using Wintel hardware with Apple's service. Not what he means you say? How about Apple licensing the iPod to HP? To Motorola. Now they're just playing the same game MS does but in a more open format. I can load MP3's and AAC's on the iPod. What can you load on the Windows based device? WMA. This is Microsoft's prorietary format. Of course they want you using it.

Oh, and the Zen Sold Out? How many units was that Mr. Gates? How many iPods sold again? FUD

Gate's comment about Apple having only "three hits" in the past 20 years is a nice way to backhand Apple across the face without seeming like he's doing so. I think Microsoft would be thrilled to have hits like the Apple II, the Mac and the iPod instead of just ... Windows and Office. Seriously, that's only two hits by my count.

CNET: Other browsers are making market share gains. When does this become a problem or an issue for you guys?
BG: "So when people say Firefox is being downloaded onto people's systems, that's true, but IE is also on those systems."

Comment: IE CAN'T BE REMOVED. If it could, it sure as hell wouldn't be on MY system anymore. Microsoft has inextricably linked the browser to the OS which is what causes most of the problems for them. So your browser has a security hole in it? Well, now so does your operating system.

BG: "it's (Firefox) very easy to download."

Comment: Yes. Yes, it is. It's very small, easy to install and doesn't wreak havoc on your computer if something goes wrong or you want to uninstall it. So let's just stick with bloated and buggy IE ... shall we?

BG: "We need to keep IE the best. We need to innovate in IE, do more add-ons, do improvements. We have some very exciting plans there. Some percentage of users are going to try Firefox and IE side by side, and use the one that's best.

"So no big problem; it's not that people have stopped using IE, it's just we've got lots of good ideas that can match and move ahead.

"In terms of our agility to do things on the browser, people who underestimated us there in the past lived to regret that."

Comment: So why don't you do just that? Innovate! Create more add-ons! Do IMPROVEMENTS! The last thing added to IE was pop-up blocking and that's ONLY for Win XP Service Pack 2 folks. Otherwise the browser has remained untouched for 3 years! The rest of the world? Screw 'em!

He keeps talking about all the great ideas they have but doesn't say they're going to do anything about them. THEN he launches what he does best ... a threat. Personally I don't know anyone who's moved to Firefox and regretted it.

CNET: But some people have left because of security issues.
BG: "Well, no one invests more in security of their browser than what we do on IE."

Comment: Yes. Microsoft is big, has money and pays their developers gobs of cash. So naturally they would be the ones who "invest" more in security. The competition developing more secure browsers RIGHT NOW are investing very little because they are not paid or paid very little for the work they do and, yet, they're able to run circles around Microsoft in this area.

BG: "know that there are hundreds of very smart people who are constantly improving your browser and making sure that you're safe. And so with auto update and IE, you're getting the top security team and the quickest response team that there is anywhere."

Comment: Yes. Hundreds of smart people. No doubt they are very smart. But Firefox has THOUSANDS of very smart people working on it in some form or another. As far as quickest response team? Well, there's been a security hole in IE since before October 2004 and a patch for it was only just released this week. Let's see, that's 1, 2, 3, 4 ... ummm, how many weeks did that take? In the mean time... watch out!

For more of the Gates interview, click the link at the top of this entry. That's all my blood pressure can take today...

I Would Like MY Computer to SMELL Like a Yeti...

2005-01-04T09:00:00.000-06:00

You've seen the commercial. How could you not?

"I would like my computer to sound like a Yeti! Aaaarrggghlllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!"

Yes, that's about what I expect would happen should you ever decide that A*L is the right online service for you. Your computer will scream like a dying Yeti and attempt to spit the disc back out as you cram it down the poor beast's throat.

Anyway ... the point of their commercial is that they now offer anti-virus software for their users. Bravo! Err, except most A*L users are newbies who just purchased their computer and already have anti-virus software installed. So A*L can pat itself on the back on a national forum for giving users something they already have - though perhaps don't know they have. Which brings me to:

What will happen to the anti-virus software A*L passes out?

The software is a "separate download." It would go miles to solving the problem if they would make the software install as part of the package, but then again, they would be better served to build their product around a secure browser like Firefox instead of Internet Explorer, so that just goes to show where the mindset of the company is -- $$$$.

In my experience, most new Internet users - especially those coddled by A*L's "pretty picture" window to the Internet - have little idea how to download and install software. This is not a slam on newbies so much as a commentary on how little effort is put into training people the right way to work with their computers. Companies like A*L have the responsibility to teach their users the right way to use their service - especially for $25/month. Computers are not toasters. They're closer to cars in that they are extremely complex pieces of machinery that need to be cleaned, updated and used properly to get the most enjoyment out of them.

So here is my prediction as to what will happen to A*L's anti-virus software:

25% of their users will not be able to download it. Period.
20% of their users will somehow actually get the thing downloaded but then forget where they saved it. I've seen this happen more times that you'd think!

End USER: "I need help with this file I downloaded."
ME: "So you downloaded the file ... where did you download it to? You know, where did you save it?"
End USER: "Ummm, I don't know."
ME: "But it asked you where you wanted to save it. What folder did you pick?"
End USER: "I just hit enter. How am I supposed to know where it saved it?"
ME: "AAAARRRRRGGGH!"

25% of their users will uninstall (read: "I just deleted the directory"-grrr!) the software because they don't like the look of the tray icon.
20% of their users will just click "continue using file anyway" whenever the anti-virus software warns them what they're about to do will be dangerous and destroy every file on their computer -- possibly even making it sound like a Yeti.
9% of their users will freeze at any warnings they get, shut down their computer, lock it in a closet with "666" painted on the door and never use it again. (Perhaps they're smarter than I give 'em credit for.)
1% of their users will NOT install the A*L anti-virus software, buy Frisk F-prot or Norton Anti-Virus instead, drop A*L as a provider, banish Internet Explorer from their computer in favor of Firefox, realize that's merely a round-about way of taking care of the real problem and buy a Mac instead.

Those are the SMART A*L users ... oh, wait ... they're not users anymore!

Welcome!

2005-01-01T09:00:00.000-06:00

How many bloggers begin their first post that way? "Welcome!" It may be uninspired, but it is appropriate. If you've never read ESC! Magazine before I'd like to welcome you to our publication and give a bit of insight into why I finally decided to enter the world of blogging.

For some time, I've encouraged others to create blogs as a means to express themselves in writing. Too often I'd hear from folks with things to say or writing to publish but with no outlet. No place to vent their anger, share their latest love poem or ... reveal their deepest secrets with complete anonymity -- if desired. You see, blogging is simply an digital-age version of the daily journal with the major exception that, if you choose to, you could share your thoughts with a few million new friends.

Here are a couple blogs from folks who've recently started up blogs and have a lot of good things to say:

So This is Janet's Blog

Temporary Trouble Spots

ESC! Magazine, being available in both print and electronic editions, keeps me busy even though I've recently reduced the number of annual issues to two from the four of years past. In addition I have the website and the forums where writers and artists can share news of their latest triumphs.

So why the blog?

This online journal will be different from the other mediums in that I won't necessarily talk about ESC!, writing or even the latest book I'm reading. More so, this blog will give me a place to put interesting links I've found, climb on my soapbox to rant about the latest evils coming out of Microsoft or just share my thoughts at the moment. For good or bad, this will be an opportunity to give the readers of ESC! a broader perspective of the man behind the magazine and maybe ... just maybe ... pick up a few new readers in the process.